Failure keeps you humble...
    Success keeps you glowing...
         But only FAITH and DETERMINATION keep you going.

It's been a while since I've written here and well... while I once used to be really good at journaling and blogging... life has held me captive. I'm going to try to be better but don't expect posts every day. Or rather... just be prepared. Some days I might post more than once and other times you might not hear from me for weeks.

But I'm still here.

I was lucky enough to drop from 330 (I forget the exact amount) to 301 by the end of fall 2017. Unfortunately... I let myself go. I jumped back to 333 by the beginning of the year.

But, my peeps, I am trying. I am really motivated and dedicated to do better this year.

I was challenged to walk 720 miles this year. I started with an average of 2 miles a day and then upped it to 3. Then before I knew it... I was going between 4 and 5 daily. I usually take one day of rest (sometimes more depending on what's going on) but I am really focused.

Life has become stressful. My little guy is almost 3 and a half and he is a little spitfire. Full of energy and talking up a storm. Oh... and potty trained. Thank the Lord!

We recieved a new Pastor at church and it feels like home again. He is fun and full of life and makes worship enjoyable again. I can relate to his teachings and I am so excited to grow spiritually.

My parents health is ailing. My dad is in his late 70's and had cellulitis this summer. He had 2 toes amputed but has a whole host of other issues. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers almost a year ago. She holds on pretty well but I can tell that she's in a decline. They don't get along and I am working on taking Durable Power of Attorney over them. It's been a whirlwind.

I am turning 35 this summer and my hopes of becoming pregnant are fading. My husband and I refuse to do any testing (we can't afford it and I'm more into... if it'll happen, it'll happen) and I haven't been pregnant in 2 years when I had my last miscarriage. I don't know if my weight plays a factor since I've been pregnant 3 times total... but hopefully losing this weight will help. But like I said... I'm giving it to God. I have my one rainbow baby and if he's all I get in this life... I'm fine with it. I just can't shake the feeling that someone is missing from our family.

Anyway.. I have to make some dinner... I'll check back in soon. Love you all! <3 p="">

The past few weeks have been a struggle. I'd like to say this is easy... but it's not and never will be. The previous week I had to take my dad to the hospital for a doctor's appointment... So there went a workout. Then I felt sick to my stomach. There went another work out. This week... This week I wanted to eat everything in sight... and I'm pretty sure I did.

I'm so disappointed in myself.

But... I am trying to use this as a learning experience. There is a possibility that I might miss my weigh-in this week. We are expected to get a whopping 6 - 10 inches of heavy wet snow tomorrow into tuesday... and who knows what will happen tuesday.

The week is not a total loss... as I still have tomorrow and tuesday to redeem myself and I am going to try my hardest. Workouts will be completed and water will be drunk.

At least... as hard as it's been... I have NOT succumbed to soda. And that is something I am proud of. Now if I could just get the damn chocolate out of the house... I'd be happy.

Failure Will Never Overtake Me ...

... If My Determination To Succeed Is Strong Enough.

Five days of workout completed.

You know that awkward feeling you get when you step off the treadmill but you feel like you're still moving? Yeah... I got that without the treadmill. It was kind of a good feeling, honestly. Since today is Friday, and the last workout of the week, I pushed myself to run harder.

Something that kind of bothered me yesterday, that I meant to write about but forgot, was that I was complaining to a friend about how some days I feel like I don't have time for anything. Dishes need washed. Little guy needs taken care of. The dog needs let out. The living room/kitchen is STILL a mess. The carpets need vacuumed. So on and so forth. She told me to let some things go and make time. She told me to skip my workout and use nap time as a time to get things done. I know she doesn't really understand that my workout IS me time. It's the time that I better myself and let go of a lot of my hurts and guilt. It allows me an hour to focus on just me and to make myself feel better. Like I said, I know she doesn't understand so I wasn't really THAT mad... but it's just kind of frustrating. I've given up a LOT to be a SAHM (and please don't think I regret any of it for a minute!) but if I don't take care of me, how can I take care of my family? My future family? So no... unfortunately (or fortunately) my workout doesn't get skipped, unless something happens and it's an absolute necessity. Sometimes, my workout is the only thing keeping me going.

Onward we go!

Have a great weekend!

Your Mind Is A Powerful Thing

When you fill it with positive thoughts -- your life will start to change.

I decided I kind of liked doing my own walking thing... So that's what I did. I put on an hour long show... walked/marched during the program and jogged/ran during the commercials. I got in 9,000 steps by the end (partly cause I went shopping and was walking all over the store) and had 4.21 miles down.

It's only the first week... So I hope I can keep it up the rest of the year!

That Broken Thing You Keep Trying To Put Back Together...

...Can't Even Compare With That Beautiful Thing That's Waiting To Be Built.

What do you do when you really want to get your 3 miles in using your walking video, but it's windy as heck and the internet goes down? You put on episodes of Dawson's Creek and Beverly Hills 90210... and during the show, you walk. During the commercials, you run/jog/power walk around your house, using your toddler's toys as hurdles.

Last night was the first official weigh-in of the new year and it's a fresh start. I made a promise to myself weeks ago that I was going to enjoy the holidays and if I gained, I gained... but I wasn't going to go over five pounds and that's what I ended up gaining... over 4 weeks. So I can't be super mad at myself... but now I'm ready to start over.

Starting Goal Weight: 310.8

Here we go....

One Pound At A Time

Resolution:

 * a resolve, a determination or decision

Promise:

 * a declaration that something will or will not be done,given, etc., by one.

My promises to myself for 2017:

1. Continue working on my health. I have been slacking over the holidays and I believe that I deserve a break. Luckily I haven't completely sabotaged myself to the point of being where I was at the beginning of summer, but now it's time to get serious. I expect there to be ups and downs, good days, bad days, heck... good moments vs bad moments. But... It's not in the trials you've been through, it's how you deal with them. I hope to use them as a learning experience and get back on track those off days.

2. To grow in my faith. I have been seriously lacking in this department lately and I can feel it. How does this tie into health? Well... If I don't take care of me, I can't take care of others. On days that I am happy and my soul is well fed, I'm more likely to want to exercise and make better choices. When I am "down in the dumps" I am more likely to mindlessly eat and be sad. I'm not saying that I expect to be happy all the time, but I need to return to my faith because I find that I miss who I was when my soul was well. I miss being involved and that amazing family feeling I got from my Church and Church family. I've been working on a gratitude journal every night before bed. I try to write at LEAST 3 things down... but on the days that I can maybe write ONE, I am happy with it. I've also been trying to do my devotionals and doing special one with my little guy (who's not so little). 

3. I am attempting a NO-SODA year. I've done this before (Or as my mom says... doing that soda thing?) and made it all the way to August before. I am hoping to make it the WHOLE year. Last year I didn't attempt it but rather just played it day by day. It worked, most of the time, but once in a while I'd get caught up and go over-board. I'm just going to try and do without it.

I'm sure there will be other smaller goals and mini-goals I will try to accomplish this year (Planning on a no candy/sugar month... just not sure when!) but those are the big ones. By this time next year, I want to be able to buy clothes in the store... not having to buy everything online. It's expensive for shipping and such but also... bigger sized clothes cost more anyway.

I hope that you make your goals/promises/resolutions this year. We can do this and we deserve it.

Happy New Year.

I've been MIA lately....

... The holidays seem to take over every aspect of my life. I'm the baker in the family... which actually works out for me. I tend to be super critical of my meals/treats. Everyone says the things I make are delicious, but a lot of times I don't think so. Because of this... I tend not to chow down as much as I might if someone else made it. Although... there are certain cookies that I LOVE and will eat.

My husband bought me a Fitbit Charge 2 for Christmas. I am so glad because my old one (Which I bought way back before Fitbit was popular!) was pretty much useless. It was cracked and refused to hold charge. I am getting used to this one and so far I am enjoying it. It's fancy and I am so tickled with it.

I am up on the scale the last few weeks. 309.4 so not too bad but not great. I am planning on cutting out the soda on the 1st of the year. I am trying to be decent this week but so far... not so great. We are doing New Years Resolutions this week at TOPS and I am planning on putting down that I want to lose 10lbs. I did it this summer and I know I can do it now. The program runs from the first week of Jan until the 1st week of March. Plenty of time to get it down and more. :)

Well... Fitbit says It's time for bed... lol

Merry Christmas and may your 2017 be filled with love, happiness and good health!