Nothing to report lately. 

 One word of advice... Don't count on your shadow to give you an accurate representation of how big or how little you are. It often lies and plays games.

Lost 0.4 this week. Not a huge loss but better than a gain! 

She was unstoppable not because she did not have failures or doubts but because she continued on despite them... (Beau Taplin)

So last week I gained 4lbs and went back up to 309. I admit that I didn't do so well last week. I had several sodas, desserts, greasy burgers, pasta... I did do some walking but not nearly what I have been doing.

I wasn't expecting much last night at weigh-in but I was pleasantly surprised to learn I had lost 5lbs. I couldn't be biggest loser because I wasn't at the meeting last week... but I was happy nonetheless.

Little Man is sleeping, so I'm catching up on quiet things around the house. I turned the television on and am watching Roseanne. It's one of the episodes where Roseanne and Dan are dieting. They get rid of all the junk food and exercise more. At one point, Roseanne goes in the bathroom to take a hot bath and once the doors are closed, she pulls out a container of Pringles and sits in the tub eating them. How many times have I done that? No one is around to witness it so it doesn't count, right? I'm trying really hard to break that habit. If I buy a beef jerky stick at the store, I write it down. Sure... No one else sees it but it's still there.

My husband thinks my metabolism has finally kicked on and good grief, I hope so! I need all the help I can get on this journey! It kind of feels like it because I feel more full all the time and therefore eat less. I think I'm finally over my little slump and beginning to get back into things. I've decided not to keep track of the miles I walk but rather to make sure I get some kind of exercise in. I figure two miles a day is better than none!

I had the privilege of taking a mini-vacation with my boys this weekend. We drove out to the zoo and stayed in a hotel. It was a nice hotel, not five-star, but it wasn't shabby either. The bathroom had one of those full wall mirrors and right across from it was the shower. With all glass walls and sliding glass door. I forced myself to take a good long, hard look at what I looked like, full-length, as I was taking a shower the other day.

It maddened me.

Then it really saddened me.

Buried in all that fat and flubber is a little girl who never felt like she was good enough. Who never felt pretty enough. Who never felt smart enough or strong enough or funny enough. She was bullied and picked on. Made fun of by people who she was closest to and who she trusted.

She just wants to be loved.

So... To any of you who feel inferior... for ANY reason... I love you. I think you're beautiful. You have a purpose. You are worthy and I am glad you're here.

And... to the little girl inside me... we'll get there. We are in this together and we'll figure it out. We might have hit a small snag this past month, but we know what to do and how to do it. You hold my hand and I'll hold yours and we'll make it out of this. And all those scars and broken pieces of our heart... They are just proof that we've lived and they show others the fires we've been through... and survived.