Today my love and I attended Naples Grape Festival.

It was AWESOME! It was nice and warm and sunny with blue skies and white puffy clouds. There were a LOT of people but it was good.

I admit that I splurged and had some yummies I shouldn't have but I hope I offset it by walking. And I really didn't do that bad. Nothing fried!

My legs definitely feel it tonight and I am exhausted. Having Chicken Pot Pie for dinner with lots of yummy stuff in the middle. So delish! :)

I've been really struggling the last couple months/weeks.

There's been so much going on... that I feel like I can't win.

First there was the whole miscarriage. And after I moved past (as much as I can) I started doing Zumba again tues/thurs night with my friend. Although she decided she didn't want to anymore and then we had this whole big ass scare at work (Thinking we were going to ALL lose our jobs and our hours go cut so I'm barely bringing home enough to pay bills and buy some groceries)... There's just been so much stress I can't see straight!

I'm not giving up though. In fact my friend posted something on facebook as a motivator and I took it and am doing the same thing. The pictures aren't very great... at all...

For some reason it looks like they say LAST but it's supposed to be LBS LOST. Then every time I lose a pound, I get to put a pretty blue pebble in the jar. Initially I didn't think of a goal cause I have so much I want to lose... but now maybe I'll do a goal and when I reach it I can buy myself something nice and pretty.

The BF and I were talking and he said we could definitely get a treadmill too. We just have to go through the other room and clean it out and get stuff together to sell. Maybe that'll be some more motivation too!

Like I said, I'm not giving up. I just have to find something that works for me. I haven't been doing TOO bad... I barely drink soda anymore. Usually just 1 (or 2) cans of diet at his parent's house on sundays and maybe once in a great while I'll get a regular when the cravings hit... but for the most part... I've stopped drinking it. So even if it's not showing up in lbs lost or whatever, at least I know I'm still trying. I just have to step it up!

Step
   It
     UP!

Tonight I started Zumba again...

... I forgot how hard it is... haha!

My hips felt like they were going to swivel right off... my arms and legs are so sore and I am STARVING!

But it was so worth it. I am tired but I know I accomplished something and I made a step in the right direction.

Zumba again Thursday night.. I'm excited!

I am ashamed to admit to this but I am at 348.7lbs.

Am I surprised? Not really. The last couple weeks have been such constant yo-yo with everything that happened in July and trying to get back to normal to all the stress of work. Hopefully that is all over with now and I can focus on what's important.

Today I start with a clean slate. No more soda. Yup, that's right. No more. I totally have been binging the last couple weeks with the heat and just basically giving in to myself. I don't need the soda. I know I can go without it.

I'm pushing myself into working out again. And by working out I don't really mean... working out. I plan on attending Zumba on Tues/Thurs and hopefully (Weather permitting) walking the days I'm not dancing my ass off.

In addition to this, I am going to start really watching portion sizes. Mine have been ridiculous. It's hard because my bf eats. And by eat, I mean he EATS! But he's a guy and that's "normal" for guys. My dad was the same way. BUT... Mike was complaining yesterday that his jeans barely fit... so I know it's not just me. He already cut back his soda from one daily at work just one or two on weekends.

I feel disgusting. My side feels like I split a muscle... my knee has been hurting the last few days and I know I need to change. It's a constant on-going battle. I hate looking at myself in the mirror because I just see how bad I look and I know others see it too. But as much as I wish someone else could just change me... they can't. It's no one else's duty but mine.

What can you expect from me? Well, it's not like I have a TON of followers reading my every entry. I'm lucky if I can get maybe 5. But in a promise to myself to be true... I hope to update at least 3 times a week and once on weekend. Any encouragement, healthy recipes and that sort are always welcome. Super welcome.

I'm going to give this my all because when you get down to it.. I really want my peanut. I want my peanut like you'd never believe and I want to finally feel better about myself. I don't deserve this. No one does.

To a new year. Why wait until Jan 1st?