Today sucked. Plain and simple.

I should have known by the fact that my father called my house at 4am. When I answered out of a dead sleep, he asked if he woke me up. I said, Yes... it's 4am. He then laughed and said he dialed the wrong number and that he'd been messing with the remote. We said goodbye and hung up.

Then I called my mom at 8am like I always do and she is upset. She said that Dad blocked her in the kitchen and beat her down. I said I didn't know what to do... and she didn't either. I asked if she wanted to come to my house for the day. She said no. She said their televisions weren't working and I said that my husband could stop after work and she went on about how she didn't think she'd be alive by 4pm and that Dad was going to kill her. She said that they were up all night and he was complaining of pain so she gave him a pain pill at 4am and fed him a peanut butter sandwhich and he was happy. Then she made me talk to him.

I asked him what was going on and he said that she's always yelling at him and blaming him for things. She was in the background calling him a liar and he was yelling back at her. I told him that she says the same thing and he laughed and asked why she's like that. I told him it's because of her Alzheimers. He said that was bullshit. He said that he refused to believe it. I told him that she sees a neurologist and has been diagnosed with it. He said he'd back off then. There were more things said and I got upset and started crying. He told me to stop yelling at him and I said I wasn't... that I was crying and upset. I told him that the two of them need to move to some kind of assisted living situation where they can get professional help. I told him that they don't take care of each other and obviously can't take care of themselves and maybe it's time to move out of the house. I told him that the whole situation tears me up every night and that this isn't the life I envisioned for them me, me or my son.

Just to clarify... My father does NOT beat my mother. I have learned to take her stories with a grain of salt... she tends to blow things out of proportion and takes things the wrong way. He's always been kind of rough but in a he never really knew his own strength kind of way. He could pinch your shoulder playfully and it would really hurt... but he's never laid a hand on anyone.

My guess is that they misunderstood each other. Yes my mother can be relentless. Yes my dad can be stubborn. Both of them have health issues and mental issues and can't hear well. Add in the fact that they didn't get a lot of sleep and it was bound to blow up.

But the repercussions are inevitable. It is DEFINITELY time to start looking into some kind of assisted living for them. The only problem is getting the ball rolling and getting everyone on board. My dad refuses to get rid of his truck and tractor. I get it. I get the independence thing... but enough is enough.

The hopes and dreams I had for my son are shattered in regards to family. I always saw my parents playing with my kids. Baking cookies. Having sleepovers. My dad driving them on the tractor. Playing card games with them. Sullivan will never have that and it breaks my heart. In addition to that... my brother has kind of thrown us all aside in favor of his in-laws. They are younger and have money to do things. My family doesn't and in tossing my parents aside, he's tossed me and my son aside. And that breaks my heart too. My family is small to begin with and I feel like my son is losing all of it. He won't have family to tell him stories about his Mimi and PawPaw or his mommy. He won't have someone to look through family photos with him.

I feel alone.

I feel like my heart is literally breaking as I type this and think about it.

I have been crying on and off all day long. My head has been hurting since I got up and I have been emotional eating. Which is frustrating. I tried to "walk" during munchkins nap, but I didn't have it in me. I managed a mile and that was it and I was disappointed with myself.

But sometimes... the best thing you can do for yourself is just rest and be as still as possible. After all the drama and trauma of the past 24 hours, dealing with a migraine and crying all day... I just needed the rest.

Tomrrow is a new day and I strive to not let these things get the best of me. I will strive to take care of myself because if I don't... I won't be able to take care of anyone else. I won't be able to be strong enough to go through this.