Having my birthday on the same day as weigh-in seems fabulous... doesn't it?

That's what I thought, at first. I figured it was the start of a new week and all and it since it's the first day, I could be a little careless and still have time to redeem myself.

Right?

Wrong.

It's almost like a repeat of last week. For some reason, I was just so starved last week, I kept eating and eating and eating until I felt like I was going to explode. Literally. I haven't indulged myself quite like that in some time and it was like, no matter how hard I tried to get back on track, I just couldn't. It only proved to me that I can't mess up one day and redeem myself. It ruins the week.

So thursday, I went a little crazy but not so much that it was a total loss. Yesterday was kind of the same thing... Today, I'm holding my own a LOT better.

But the emotions are starting to boil up again and I'm not sure how to handle it. Sometimes I get so angry and upset that I just want to eat out of anger and frustration. "Ha! I'll make you feel guilty by eating this jar of chocolate cake frosting! SUCKA!" And then as I'm standing there, staring at the jar and thinking about how far I've already come, I put it back on the shelf and hang my head. "Nevermind. I just won't ever eat again! Then I'll become so skinny you'll wish you'd never hurt me and let me go!"

And then I starve myself... until the hunger pains take over and I wimp out.

Cry for help?

Probably.

Sometimes, late at night, I lie in bed and I imagine what it would be like to be thin... Okay maybe not even thin but thinner. I imagine how great my life will be and how I'll finally meet the man of my dreams and we'll have babies and live happily ever after. It's like living a fairy tale where I'm the main character and life is always happy and merry.

So why am I so afraid of Thin Me?

Not entirely sure but I have my own theories. Theories that, perhaps some other time, I will indulge upon. Then again... maybe not.

I know she's in there and she's trying... but I keep stuffing her full of food. She keeps asking for help but I shovel in another cookie or muffin just so I don't have to listen to her. But she's getting stronger and I can feel it. I can feel her trying to push through and one of these days... she's going to get out. And will she ever wreak havoc on life as I know it.

Bring it on.

The scale was my acquaintance this week. 

Down ALMOST a pound but not quite... but I can feel the difference in my body and my confidence. Still have a long way to go but I'm so getting there.

1. Last night, Mom and Papa were grilling out. I asked for a small hamburger and then Mom asked if I wanted her to set aside some potatoes for me. I said yes please. A little while later she returns and hands me a paper bowl with about 6 salt potatoes in the bottom sitting in about an inch of melted butter. Uhh... thanks Mom? I ended up cutting up 4 of them and stirring them in the butter to get them a little covered and then removed them to my plate, leaving the rest for someone else. I had my burger without a bun and with only ketchup and mustard... and a pickle. Which is free.

2. Today I completed Day Two of Week Three on C25K. It's a challenge but I'm doing just fine on it. This week I'm working on running 90 seconds and then walking 90 seconds... running 3 minutes then walking 3 minutes and then doing it all over. By the time I'm through my second 3 minutes running... I'm feeling it but the sweat is sweet.

Alice says she can still see the change in me. I can't really... other than the clothes... but it feels good. I sat down the other day and figured it all out... I've lost 5.8lbs of fat so far. I love that about my scale. It tells me the body fat % and the body fat weight. I keep track of it along with my actual weight. It's nice to see the numbers going DOWN and not up!

Well... I gotta keep my moving. My goals this week are to walk 10,000 steps 4 days this week and to make it 5 miles 3 days! Can't get there by sitting on my bottom!!

Happy Losing!!

In the midst of losing weight recently... I decided to take some new pictures of myself. I really just wanted some new profile pics for myself (none with duck-lips either!).

But I was kind of surprised at the results.

Can you spot the difference??

Last night I lamented to my brother about today's weigh-in. I felt I did "okay" but not "GREAT" and I was dreading the scale. But the scale was my friend... this week.

But what a busy week I had.

20,000 some - odd steps on Saturday alone. A very personal best as I struggle to get to 5,000 + above. When thinking about this, I picture myself as a race horse, lined up at the starting gate. When the gate goes up there's a cloud of dirt and the thundering of hooves but as all the dust settles, there's me -- way behind and slowly meandering and occasionally stopping to smell the flowers or graze on the bright green grass. But this week has blown me away.

Every Thursday I start a new "week" and I had set a goal to walk 10,000 steps - three days. After my 5K and walking -- not riding -- in the parade equaling my total of 22,107 steps (and yes, I *AM* bragging!) I figured I could take Sunday off. My legs needed it! Even getting out of bed was a challenge -- every time I stood up I felt like I should hear some kind of cheering but all I heard was the moaning and groaning from myself. But in the end, the 5K hyped me up. Adrenaline rush? You betcha! Not that I actually RAN it or finished it in a decent time frame, but that's not the point. It made me feel good. Confident. Gave me hope. It also sparked a flame inside. A need. A want.

I want more races.

     I want better times.

          I want to be able to RUN it . . . 

           

                                   . . . but I'll still register as a walker.

There's a program called "Couch to 5K" or C25K and my friend has been doing it. Says she feels great. She actually craves it. What the heck! Bandwagon? Sure as hell I'll jump on it! I was home alone Monday night. Unusual but I'll try it. Now, I'll use the treadmill but honestly, I'm not crazy about it. Hate that tipsy "I'm stationary but feel like I'm still moving" feeling. Running on the road is TOO public. Things jiggle where there should never be any jiggle. Plus I'm afraid I'll blow out my knee and be unable to get a hold of anyone. Run around the house? Momma always warned me not to to... but again... Home Alone.

After the five minute warm up... I've got this. The dogs are watching me curiously, but I don't care if they see jiggling... who are they going to tell anyway? Sixty seconds of running... first "lap". Okay, I CAN do this. No biggie! Ninety seconds of walking... not too bad (If you're unfamiliar with C25K... The first week starts with a 5 minute warm up followed by sixty seconds of running and then ninety seconds of walking until you've run a total of eight times... then a five minute cool down). By the second "Lap" I thought it was a piece of cake but my legs hurt and my blisters were tender. "I'll just go to number four and then stop".

     Yeah . . .

          . . . Okay.

"COME ON! KEEP GOING!" I told myself after finishing the fourth lap. On to the fifth. Then the sixth and before I knew it... I was being told to cool down.

Wait a minute! Back up! What just happened?

I finished. Week One - Day One complete... 10,000 steps plus achieved.

Next night ... Week One - Day Two complete... 10,000 steps plus achieved (Without the dogs watching me like I'm insane as I jog around my house).

The next night poses a problem as I'm not home alone. So... in the confines of my bedroom... Week One - Day Three complete.

      9,990 Steps.

               Go... Figure.

Fitbit's next challenge... 25,000 steps in a single day.

Able to clear tall building's in a single leap? Well... not so much.

     25,000 Steps in a single day. Maybe next week...

            

          ... Then again... Maybe not!

Happy Losing!

Ps. Down 3.1 this week!

I rarely write twice in one day... But today is a day to go in the history books.

Well... For me anyway...

I survived.

In the end... My time was 8:30a-9:28a. I could never do a MILE in that amount of time let alone a 5k. It was so awesome to see all the people cheering for me and my friend as we crossed the finish line and to stand up and receive a medal. I feel fantastic and full of life. I am happy. And I made a few friends too!

Fitbit says....

13,923 Steps

10 Flights of Stairs

7.27 Miles

All before NOON ... and on a saturday no less. 

Only two pretty icky blisters... but I'm thinking I have super sensitive feet. So not worried. They will get better. 

Happy Losing!

Star light... Star bright... First star I see tonight... Wish I may... Wish I might... Have this wish I wish tonight...

* There are some days that I wish I could just wish all this extra ME away. Especially after my slip up last night... which made me sick. Literally... Sick. First off... I had two chocolate chip muffins and two oatmeal-raisin cookies at work. I was HUNGRY as I didn't get a lot of lunch. It wasn't too bad. But then I started developing a headache. When I got home, my parents were leaving to go shopping (No doubt to buy more food we don't need and will most likely never eat....) and asked if there was anything they could get me. I said no thank you and went back in my room. As I was sitting here... I was hungry. So I went to Wendy's and got a spicy chicken sandwich and a bacon/cheese baked potato. Not the best but not the worst. Oh and add on a medium Cherry Coke. Big Mistake. 

When that was done I was full. But after a while I started getting bored and just wanted more. I've been craving chocolate so I "stole" one of dad's Pb cups and had a cup of milk with it. That was fine. I was over in points but it wasn't TOO bad. Then they came home and mom hands me a personal pan pizza (*Gasp*) and I just sat there... and ate it. Even though I wasn't really hungry. I ate it. 

I'm ashamed.

But I can't very well take it back. So I'll just have to live with it. In addition to that she threw one of those giant hershey bars at me and told me not to ask her for chocolate. 

Come on! Just ONCE! Really?

I think I may hide it in my underware drawer... Or maybe that's not the best place for it... I'll figure it out. 

And on a happier note... today is race day. Last night, I started thinking about it and panicked... Just how long WAS a 5k... Did I just sign up to walk 10 miles and not even know it? So I looked it up and Pssshhh it's 3 miles? Really? That's nothing. Well not really nothing... it's something. It starts off up hill but I climb that hill a lot so it's not so bad. Here's the kicker... I'm totally walking TO my walk and walking home from it! I'll so get more than 3 miles.... 

Happy Losing!!