Dear Faithful Readers Of Mine;

It's been a while since I've posted anything in here just as it's been a while since I've even kept track of what I put into my mouth, just as it's been a while since I've worked out or even THOUGHT of it.

I don't know if any of you ever watch Biggest Loser or EM-Weight Loss Ed. I prefer EMWLE over BL because I think it shows it more true to life. Not all of us can be away for months at a time working out non-stop and being fed the delicious and healthy foods. EMWLE shows people in REAL LIFE. It shows how life can affect them and take away their time to work out and change their bodies. It shows REAL struggle.

And that's where I am.

Life has gotten in the way.

Two weeks ago I had my first ever gain in the last couple months. I shrugged it off. No big deal. I can fix it. The following week... I had another gain. No biggie. Can fix that one too.

But at one point will I gain so much back that I feel like I have to start over again? This week. I haven't weighed myself, yet, but I am dreading it. I have been binging and stuffing my body with junk and empty calories and been very dormant in my working out life.

And it's going to change.

I feel like I have let you all down and for that I am sorry. This is supposed to be a journal where I record my most best and my most worst feelings on this journey and I haven't been. Too often have I let life get in the way of things that it should never get in the way of... 

Love,

    Me...

Dear Jenny;

I am proud of you for how far you have come. For all the progress and the work you have made and the weight you have lost. When I see your face in the mirror, I can just see all the confidence you have gained and all the healing that has taken place, both inside and out. You are beautiful and I love you.

Your journey is no where near over and I think you are starting to realize it. It's going to be a constant battle. It's going to be constantly making sure you are moving your body and making sure you are putting healthy things into it and being cautious. It's tough and tiresome and I know there are some days you want to give up. But you can't.

For some reason, you are afraid of the change. You are afraid of what might be if you lose all this weight. But you have nothing to fear. Think of how good it feels when you put on those pants, that at one point were too tight are now constantly needing to be pulled up. Think of how awesome it felt when you went shopping and could wear shorts and had to buy clothes in a small size. Hold onto those feelings and when the world of getting healthy seems dark... use them as a light to get through it.

You can and you will do this.

You have a lot of support on your side. Most people do this alone but you don't have to. You don't have to be afraid of others and their encouragement. That's what has gotten you this far. Don't let go of them because they truly care about you and want you to be healthy. They are rooting for you just as you are for them.

The other day, your best friend told you that you looked different. You looked happy. You looked like you'd been working out. This is a person who has never told you that you looked good or happy. She notices the change. How many others notice it? How come YOU don't?

You are stronger than this slump. And you deserve so much more than what you're allowing yourself. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, and you can beat this. It won't be easy and it'll take a long time but I have faith in you. Others have faith in you. God has faith in you. Be strong and don't be afraid. 

Allow the winds of change to blow through your life. Life is a learning process and changes can be wonderful opportunities for growth. Don't be afraid to change. Embrace it and grow.

I love you.