I admit that I have been struggling these past two weeks. I hate having to miss a meeting each month but I have committed to taking my Little Guy to Family Fun Night at the end of the month... Which happens to fall on Tuesdays at 6 p. 

His birthday party was last weekend and we had quite a bit of junk. I barely ate that day (mostly cause I was so busy setting up and mingling...) but I made up for it. The two bags of Chex Mix... Yeah I ate it. I tried to pawn off what I could on guests but they were unwilling. Some things we just tossed cause we knew we wouldn't eat them. I sent snacks to work with the Husband and made him take about 20 cupcakes to work... but then I ate the rest of them. 

I did walk this week past week with Munchkin while we could. Nothing too crazy but we got some good walks in. Yesterday, I put on a pair of jeans that I haven't worn in a LONG time and they were huge! I had to rig the zipper up with a key ring cause it tends to fall down, but I constantly pulling them up. Pretty soon I am going to be putting away the summer clothes and I think I am going to purge. I will be getting rid of a good part of my wardrobe... which makes me sad but excited. I asked my husband if I could get some new stuff next year. Definitely a new bathing suit.

Heading to the Apple Shed today with my family. Can't wait to get apples and make applesauce in the crock-pot. One of my faves! Not looking forward to weigh-in... but I can accept whatever the numbers and have no one to blame but myself!

Nothing to report lately. 

 One word of advice... Don't count on your shadow to give you an accurate representation of how big or how little you are. It often lies and plays games.

Lost 0.4 this week. Not a huge loss but better than a gain! 

She was unstoppable not because she did not have failures or doubts but because she continued on despite them... (Beau Taplin)

So last week I gained 4lbs and went back up to 309. I admit that I didn't do so well last week. I had several sodas, desserts, greasy burgers, pasta... I did do some walking but not nearly what I have been doing.

I wasn't expecting much last night at weigh-in but I was pleasantly surprised to learn I had lost 5lbs. I couldn't be biggest loser because I wasn't at the meeting last week... but I was happy nonetheless.

Little Man is sleeping, so I'm catching up on quiet things around the house. I turned the television on and am watching Roseanne. It's one of the episodes where Roseanne and Dan are dieting. They get rid of all the junk food and exercise more. At one point, Roseanne goes in the bathroom to take a hot bath and once the doors are closed, she pulls out a container of Pringles and sits in the tub eating them. How many times have I done that? No one is around to witness it so it doesn't count, right? I'm trying really hard to break that habit. If I buy a beef jerky stick at the store, I write it down. Sure... No one else sees it but it's still there.

My husband thinks my metabolism has finally kicked on and good grief, I hope so! I need all the help I can get on this journey! It kind of feels like it because I feel more full all the time and therefore eat less. I think I'm finally over my little slump and beginning to get back into things. I've decided not to keep track of the miles I walk but rather to make sure I get some kind of exercise in. I figure two miles a day is better than none!

I had the privilege of taking a mini-vacation with my boys this weekend. We drove out to the zoo and stayed in a hotel. It was a nice hotel, not five-star, but it wasn't shabby either. The bathroom had one of those full wall mirrors and right across from it was the shower. With all glass walls and sliding glass door. I forced myself to take a good long, hard look at what I looked like, full-length, as I was taking a shower the other day.

It maddened me.

Then it really saddened me.

Buried in all that fat and flubber is a little girl who never felt like she was good enough. Who never felt pretty enough. Who never felt smart enough or strong enough or funny enough. She was bullied and picked on. Made fun of by people who she was closest to and who she trusted.

She just wants to be loved.

So... To any of you who feel inferior... for ANY reason... I love you. I think you're beautiful. You have a purpose. You are worthy and I am glad you're here.

And... to the little girl inside me... we'll get there. We are in this together and we'll figure it out. We might have hit a small snag this past month, but we know what to do and how to do it. You hold my hand and I'll hold yours and we'll make it out of this. And all those scars and broken pieces of our heart... They are just proof that we've lived and they show others the fires we've been through... and survived. 

The Wedding Dress

August 23, 2014 (379 lbs) & August 25th 2016 (304.2 lbs)

So... Here it is. The Side By Side of the wedding dress. That dress is Custom Measured by the website I bought it from. Keep in mind that in the first photo I am 8 months pregnant. I should have taken my shirt off in the second photo to see how the top lays on me... but you can clearly see how big it is on me. Plus, the fact that I can actually wear clothes UNDERNEATH it shows how big it is on me now! How freaking incredible is this photo?

I actually DO have a real life neck... lol.

Still have a LONG way to go but I am most definitely getting there and TBH... Seeing these photos and my husband's reaction... I am proud of where I am and how far I've come. It's been such a short amount of time that I really started kicking ass on this and this all just makes me more determined.

So excited!

I didn't get the picture of the dress tonight...

By the time the Husband got home it was late and we went for a nice walk. Then home for dinner. It wasn't my usual haul ass kind of walk but I figure that any kind of movement is worth it.

Still struggling to find the motivation lately. But it's still there. Somewhere.

I bought a new shirt today. It was a size 22/24 and it's snug but not uncomfortable. I'm getting there. Slowly but surely.

Look For Something Positive....

... Even if some days you have to look a little harder.

Alright, alright, alright. I've been MIA I know. Last week Little Guy and I had Vacation Bible School. It usually starts at 6pm and goes until 8pm so I didn't get much of a chance to update or even walk for that matter. I've taken a few walks here and there but nothing like I was. Luckily they are calling for it to be warm through October so I still have a few months to get some good stuff in before the cold settles.

In the last two weeks I have lost another 2.8 lbs... Despite our TOPS picnic last tuesday and then the husband and I hitting Cheesecake Factory to celebrate our anniversary. I was particularly surprised considering that I haven't been exercising lately either... other than just rushing around and dancing at VBS. But I'll take it. 

I really need to do a side-by-side comparison of myself two years ago. I am actually planning on doing this and putting on my Wedding dress. Considering that 2 years ago I was nearing 379 lbs (although I was 8 mos pregnant at the time) and this year I am a svelte 304.2. 

Fitbit went on a bit of an adventure. I had taken it off and set it on the edge of the couch one night and the next morning it was gone. No idea where it had gone (didn't really look too hard lol) but figured it would show up eventually. Well... I was getting ready to go somewhere and went in the kitchen by the door. In the box next to the door was Fitbit among a pile of Little Guy's cars/vehicles. He'd grabbed it and threw it in the box with his toys. I couldn't even be mad... lol. So now it's charging and I can start wearing it again.

Hopefully pictures to come sometime this week. I'd really like to do the wedding dress one but we'll see. I already know I can fit in it wearing jeans and a hoodie but would still really like to have a side-by-side.

Happy Losing!