Today my love and I attended Naples Grape Festival.

It was AWESOME! It was nice and warm and sunny with blue skies and white puffy clouds. There were a LOT of people but it was good.

I admit that I splurged and had some yummies I shouldn't have but I hope I offset it by walking. And I really didn't do that bad. Nothing fried!

My legs definitely feel it tonight and I am exhausted. Having Chicken Pot Pie for dinner with lots of yummy stuff in the middle. So delish! :)

I've been really struggling the last couple months/weeks.

There's been so much going on... that I feel like I can't win.

First there was the whole miscarriage. And after I moved past (as much as I can) I started doing Zumba again tues/thurs night with my friend. Although she decided she didn't want to anymore and then we had this whole big ass scare at work (Thinking we were going to ALL lose our jobs and our hours go cut so I'm barely bringing home enough to pay bills and buy some groceries)... There's just been so much stress I can't see straight!

I'm not giving up though. In fact my friend posted something on facebook as a motivator and I took it and am doing the same thing. The pictures aren't very great... at all...

For some reason it looks like they say LAST but it's supposed to be LBS LOST. Then every time I lose a pound, I get to put a pretty blue pebble in the jar. Initially I didn't think of a goal cause I have so much I want to lose... but now maybe I'll do a goal and when I reach it I can buy myself something nice and pretty.

The BF and I were talking and he said we could definitely get a treadmill too. We just have to go through the other room and clean it out and get stuff together to sell. Maybe that'll be some more motivation too!

Like I said, I'm not giving up. I just have to find something that works for me. I haven't been doing TOO bad... I barely drink soda anymore. Usually just 1 (or 2) cans of diet at his parent's house on sundays and maybe once in a great while I'll get a regular when the cravings hit... but for the most part... I've stopped drinking it. So even if it's not showing up in lbs lost or whatever, at least I know I'm still trying. I just have to step it up!

Step
   It
     UP!

Tonight I started Zumba again...

... I forgot how hard it is... haha!

My hips felt like they were going to swivel right off... my arms and legs are so sore and I am STARVING!

But it was so worth it. I am tired but I know I accomplished something and I made a step in the right direction.

Zumba again Thursday night.. I'm excited!

I am ashamed to admit to this but I am at 348.7lbs.

Am I surprised? Not really. The last couple weeks have been such constant yo-yo with everything that happened in July and trying to get back to normal to all the stress of work. Hopefully that is all over with now and I can focus on what's important.

Today I start with a clean slate. No more soda. Yup, that's right. No more. I totally have been binging the last couple weeks with the heat and just basically giving in to myself. I don't need the soda. I know I can go without it.

I'm pushing myself into working out again. And by working out I don't really mean... working out. I plan on attending Zumba on Tues/Thurs and hopefully (Weather permitting) walking the days I'm not dancing my ass off.

In addition to this, I am going to start really watching portion sizes. Mine have been ridiculous. It's hard because my bf eats. And by eat, I mean he EATS! But he's a guy and that's "normal" for guys. My dad was the same way. BUT... Mike was complaining yesterday that his jeans barely fit... so I know it's not just me. He already cut back his soda from one daily at work just one or two on weekends.

I feel disgusting. My side feels like I split a muscle... my knee has been hurting the last few days and I know I need to change. It's a constant on-going battle. I hate looking at myself in the mirror because I just see how bad I look and I know others see it too. But as much as I wish someone else could just change me... they can't. It's no one else's duty but mine.

What can you expect from me? Well, it's not like I have a TON of followers reading my every entry. I'm lucky if I can get maybe 5. But in a promise to myself to be true... I hope to update at least 3 times a week and once on weekend. Any encouragement, healthy recipes and that sort are always welcome. Super welcome.

I'm going to give this my all because when you get down to it.. I really want my peanut. I want my peanut like you'd never believe and I want to finally feel better about myself. I don't deserve this. No one does.

To a new year. Why wait until Jan 1st?

. . . The scale said I gained - a lot - last week which I was not surprised about! I kind of went a little overboard the week before... So it's not like it was a shock.

. . . My co-worker, Britt, said that she noticed I'm losing weight. She said when I turned sideways that I looked thinner and that my face looked thinner too. She thinks maybe I was gaining muscle since we've been very active with the kiddoes at work.

. . . I haven't really been watching what I eat this week but on the flip side... I haven't been going crazy either. I find that the more I focus on food... the more I worry about what I'm going to eat next or where my next meal will come from. If I try to focus on other things... I kind of forget about food. Which is a good thing.

. . . My co-worker/friend, Britt (as mentioned before), is going to start Zumba with me next month. Would start it now but here's my reasoning...

       My hours will be changing because I am now in a new "Classroom". I will be working 8:30a until 5p. Zumba is Tuesday (5:30-6:30p) and Thursday (6-7p). It will be perfect timing for me!

. . . That's right... My center was up for Accreditation and each classroom has to meet a certain number to become so... well... my classroom and I reach the number desired... and I work on my own. So I am going to be the new teacher of the preschool program. It'll be nice because I will break from 11:30-12:30 and that's when lunch is in our center. Since I won't have to eat with the kids... I can take my OWN lunch and make it however I want to. I'm very excited.

So there's an update. I know I haven't been writing as much as I should be. Things have just been so stinking busy the last couple weeks.
   
  

Whew!!

I found out that mowing the lawn today gave me about 1,300 calories back (give or take a few) and then walking at the festival tonight gave me back almost 1,000! AWESOME! Which makes up for the junk food we ate at the festival. But it was good. Instead of each of us getting a chicken tender basket... we got a basket of three tenders and split them. Then we split a bag of cotton candy and fried dough.

I am POOPED!

Yesterday I busied myself with making HOMEMADE chicken pot-pie. I think the most calorie laden part of it was the crust... because of the butter... but OH MY GOSH it was DELICIOUS!

I sautéed cubed chicken in butter then added celery and onion... added frozen veggies (Corn, Lima Beans, Green Beans & Peas) and cooked up a potato (as if for mashing) and tossed it in the pan. Then I added some salt, pepper and other seasonings. I added it to my pie crust and made a packet of gravy (just the gravy and add water) and poured all of it into the crust, put the second crust on top and baked it. It was so yummy and very moist! Plus it was healthy! Mike definitely liked it and it's a recipe going on rotation in our house. I think never time I want to try making it with Turkey instead...

Today I spent the morning/early afternoon mowing the front yard... hard work... I'm exhausted and sunburnt but it's all good.

Tonight we're heading to Kraut Fest. I can't wait!