I considered deleting my weigh-in post this week... but then I decided that would be unreal of me and I'm trying to be as real as I can be.

I was frustrated and angry at myself. All my hard work ruined due to poor eating choices and lack of movement. I'm not stupid. I know what it takes and how much work goes into it. Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed and I WANT to give up... but I don't.

I'm trying to find something that works for me... and you're right. I should find some way to set aside $20 a paycheck to do Zumba 2x's a week. It's something that I love and it's good for me.

I'm hoping that things will get better financially. My bf is receiving an inheritance and if it's as much as we are thinking (and hoping) then things won't be so bad... so even if I have to wait a couple weeks to start up again.. it'll be okay.

As I said before, I am going to start Juicing. I tried one this morning and it was so different but it was so good. And the best thing is that it filled me up to the point that what I ate the rest of the day... was a lot less than what I normally consumed. So to think that that much changed after having just ONE glass of juice... imagine if I'm drinking 4-6 of them a day!? Plus the benefits are awesome and if you look at what you're eating in one cup of juice... there's no way you could eat that in one sitting.

I'm very excited to be starting this new phase. This weekend I plan on sitting down and making a grocery list (the bf and I figured that it's less than $4 per juice...) and coming up with a "meal" plan for the first week.

This, of course, means that I am switching up my weigh-in days. I will now be weighing in on Sundays as opposed to Tuesdays. 

I also agree that joining a group would be good for me. I am rechecking into TOPS in my area to see what is happening when. I would LOVE to continue doing Weight Watchers but at this time, there are no convenient or close meetings. Most happen too far away too close to closing time.

I'm working on it. I swear... I am.

Sunburst Juice

1 Orange

1 Red Bell Pepper

3 Carrots

1/2 Lemon

Benefits:

Glowing Skin

500% Daily Vitamin C (Almost)

May Help Reduce the Risk Of Cancers

Where can you go wrong? At first the taste of the pepper overpowered... But I'm thinking it was the froth because once the froth settled... it wasn't as prominent. Definitely better when chilled... I have no ice cubes but my bf has frosted mugs... which worked well.

I definitely feel it in me. This juice diet is going to be tough but I am confident in myself. As soon as I can start -- which will most likely be this weekend because I get paid today -- I will be replacing my meals with these. I'm still debating whether I want to replace EVERY meal... or if I want to do two meals as juice and one healthy food meal. 

Happy Losing...

I am so beyond frustrated.

I feel like I can't get anywhere. I am stuck where I am and I feel like giving up.

At this point... after trying for the last almost 5 years... and not getting anywhere but up and down and up again... I feel like just saying TO HELL WITH IT and not even bothering anymore.

I am really struggling right now and I feel like breaking down and just crying.

I'm tired of looking in the mirror and seeing my big old self looking back. I'm tired of wearing fat clothes and never looking decent. I'm tried of all the health issues I have (the headaches... the lethargy...). I'm tried of the crappy self-esteem.

I'm just tired of it all.

I'm just tired.

Up 3.8 this week to 341.6

Woo-Freakin-Hoo

For a LONG time now I have been whining about how my parents never really taught me portion control or healthy eating. I've tried WW but I felt like I was cheating and skating by on it... not really learning anything.

I have decided to resort to drastic measures.

This is NOT something I have been taking lightly. Much soul searching, praying and thinking has led me to the decision of juice-fasting.

If you read my previous entry you'll know that I recently watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead... about two mens journey on a juice-fasting diet and their success and weight-loss.

But it was so much more than just about weight-loss. They were reduced on their medications or taken off altogether. One woman who suffered from headaches had them stop while she was doing it. They felt better and healthier... had more energy and yes, lost weight.

I feel stuck. I've tried WW, I've tried Lose It and Spark People. I've tried weight loss pills, going vegan. I've considered surgery. I am aware that this may be nothing more than a crash diet, but I feel like I need to try it. I need to give this a chance. I am also aware that I might lose a LOT of weight on it (If I stick with it) and then gain it back, but I want to use it for so much more than just weight-loss.

They consider it as a detoxing. Cleaning your system of junk and starting over. I want to use this as a wiping the slate clean and re-teaching my mind and body about portions and healthy meals. I want to use this as a way to get closer to God. I'm a religious person and I am all about strengthening my relationship with God. One of the points they make in the Documentary is that most major, if not all, religions fast. 

I'm not sure what to expect or really what to think. All I know is that I need some way to jump start. I have been stuck in this number range for too long and I am frustrated. I know doing this will not be easy... but with God's help and the help of those around me... I know I can pull through this and make this a wonderful experience.

So... Happy Juicing!

Weigh-in #6

 

Previous Weight: 340.2

Current Weight: 337.8

+/- :: -2.4

Total Loss:  5.5

This is the kind of weigh-in I like to report. I'm trying to be better about tracking everything and the weather has been cooperating a little bit more to get those walks in! It helps that I have Snickers to walk with.

Last night I watched "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead". It was a documentary about juicing and weight loss. The results were inspiring to say the least... In the end... I bought my own juicer and can't wait for it to come! I know it'll be rough the first couple days but I think it'll be worth it in the end. Hopefully it will clear out my system of all the yucky stuff and I will be able to retrain myself in a healthier way!

I'm excited!

The Morning Mile Badge

I have awarded myself (And my puppy) this award as a motivator.

This morning, we got up a little earlier than usual and went for a mile long walk. It was kind of cold out but it was NICE. At work today we walked to the library and then took a walk with the kids. THEN... when I got home... Snicks and I took another walk -- a 1/2 mile.

All in all... Fit Bit says....

14,907 Steps 

(And I took it off around 7p... so that's not counting walking around the house and cleaning!)

12 Flights of Stairs

6.36 Miles

Hey... It's a start....

Week #5

Previous: 338.9

Current: 340.2

+/- :: +1.3

Total Loss:: 3.1

GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!

I don't think you really want this. I don't think you're motivated enough. I don't think you're strong or disciplined enough to actually lose this weight. You DO realize the scale is supposed to go DOWN and not UP... right?

I know things are rough. Money is tight. You're stressed about finances and work. But you can't take care of all that stuff if you don't take care of yourself. You can't help others if you don't help yourself.

In less than 5 months you're going to be 30. Don't you think it's time you stopped placing blame on others and started taking responsibility for your own actions? Sure, your Mom didn't always cook the healthiest stuff or stress about portion control. The kitchen was your playground. Yeah, your Dad didn't run in the backyard with you as a kid. But you know what? You're old enough now to accept it for what it is and move on. 

No one can do this for you. No One... Just YOU!

You've done it before... why are you so hesitant now? What are you afraid of? Think... hard... about this. Take some time and really think it through. Maybe you'll surprise yourself.

I'm not telling you this to hurt your feelings or to put you down and make you feel bad. I'm doing this because I know you. I know you have it inside you to do this and do it right. I know you can pull through this and be stronger than ever. You just need to get moving on it. 

... Starting...

   ... Right...

      ... NOW!

Love;

Me

(Your biggest supporter)

Week #4 

Previous Weight: 336.2

Current Weight: 338.9

Weekly +/- :: +2.7

Total Loss: 4.4

I find that I am slightly frustrated. Not with my gain (although, Yes, I am with myself over that) but the fact that my boyfriend's house is 130 years old and the floors are uneven. I weigh myself in the bathroom because it's the only room without carpet... but finding a spot that is level is torture. Which makes me wonder if last week's loss was really a loss or just due to uneven flooring.

Whatever is... is. I accept full responsibility for this week's gain. Saturday we pigged out on Chocolate/PB Bugles.... Chips and Dip... Chocolate chip cookies... Yesterday we had tacos and pizza and candy. 

But this only motivates me to do better. To better myself and my choices. Considering that my income is lower than what it would have been... there won't be anymore extravagant meals or snacks. 

In fact... as soon as I got home... I took my little Snickers for a quick walk. We are both better for it!

Happy Losing!