I am so beyond frustrated.
I feel like I can't get anywhere. I am stuck where I am and I feel like giving up.
At this point... after trying for the last almost 5 years... and not getting anywhere but up and down and up again... I feel like just saying TO HELL WITH IT and not even bothering anymore.
I am really struggling right now and I feel like breaking down and just crying.
I'm tired of looking in the mirror and seeing my big old self looking back. I'm tired of wearing fat clothes and never looking decent. I'm tried of all the health issues I have (the headaches... the lethargy...). I'm tried of the crappy self-esteem.
I'm just tired of it all.
I'm just tired.
Up 3.8 this week to 341.6
Woo-Freakin-Hoo
Your mind has not caught up with what you are trying to do. You have to be in a mindset that come hell or high water you are going to do this and succeed. It sucks but it also takes time and PATIENCE. It is not going to come easily and the negative attitude you expressed through this post only resonates through trying to change your eating habits. You are giving up before even really trying to battle the bulge. One of the biggest things is you need to remember that YOU are in control of what you are putting in your mouth. If you 'cheat' or eat something that is not the best choice, that is on you. You are the one that needs to decide if you are going to buck up and working your butt off to change your eating habits or let your negative thoughts/self image take control and win. You have to mentally get yourself ready or you will be doomed to fail. I am not saying that you will not have a moment of weakness because there will be those days but realizing it and figuring out what is causing is or just feeding off that weakness are two completely different things. You have started in the right direction with your mind set by saying...
ReplyDelete"I'm tired of looking in the mirror and seeing my big old self looking back. I'm tired of wearing fat clothes and never looking decent. I'm tried of all the health issues I have (the headaches... the lethargy...). I'm tried of the crappy self-esteem."
You have to step back and figure out why different ways that you are attempting to lose weight are not working. I know people who have plateaued at the same weight for 6 months and have not given up yet. Neither should you. Dare to be different, and experiment with new things. But remember whatever path you chose to aide you in losing weight, it has to be a LIFE LONG thing or else the weight will just creep right back on and you will be back to where you started.
I wanted to comment when you first posted this, because I was worried about you and thought about it everyday, waiting until I got the chance to reply. Sorry for that, it was a call for encouragment and I didn't give it right away.
ReplyDeleteOn that note, I think Ashley's comment is great. It's true..only YOU can be responsible for that change. I think you also need to look at your excuse factor (I am guilty of this too, so you are not alone)
You wanted to join the fitness class right after work, but $ is tight. I get that, I don't know how I plan to pay my bills almost every week. BUT!!! If is is important to you, you will find a way. Find a way to cut $20 a month from your grocery bill? Are you buying junk food that is not doing you any good, whether is's for your waistline or pocketbook. You work with kids, can you pick up the odd babysitting job on the weekend or evening? Parents love mature babysitters. It might not be a gold mine but it might pay for the class.
I encouraged you to check out a TOPS meeting, because the first one is free. I think you need support with a group every week!!! You commented that you couldn't afford it or the gas to and from the meeting. What if you have that one night a week you stay in town until the meeting? Go to the library or bookstore. The nice weather is coming, go for a long walk, etc. Maybe the group has some insentives for reducing fees. For our group, the person who loses the most each month gets a free month of dues. And if you do a program for a meeting you get $5.00
I would sponser you the $32 for the yearly memebership if you were serious about this. And if you were SUPER SERIOUS...I would pay your group fees for 6 months.
You need to write down EVERY SINGLE THING you eat! And then post it on here! You need to make sure you have a set weight in day and post the results that day, so I can check on you and remind you if you haven't. Perhaps you need to take a picture of the scale reading and post that picture each week.
Make the resourses you have, work for you! Use your blog to write out your frustrations or when you are being tempted. Do you have a few friends that are trying to lose weight also? Form your own support group. Meet an hour each week, weigh in together and do a little program...an un-offical TOPS group. That is how TOPS started...at a kitchen table with 4 women who wanted to support each other in their weight loss.
I want to see a "report" on your blog of your plan for the week. I will help you stick to it!
You've got this, you have just had a bad day!