The Wedding Dress

August 23, 2014 (379 lbs) & August 25th 2016 (304.2 lbs)

So... Here it is. The Side By Side of the wedding dress. That dress is Custom Measured by the website I bought it from. Keep in mind that in the first photo I am 8 months pregnant. I should have taken my shirt off in the second photo to see how the top lays on me... but you can clearly see how big it is on me. Plus, the fact that I can actually wear clothes UNDERNEATH it shows how big it is on me now! How freaking incredible is this photo?

I actually DO have a real life neck... lol.

Still have a LONG way to go but I am most definitely getting there and TBH... Seeing these photos and my husband's reaction... I am proud of where I am and how far I've come. It's been such a short amount of time that I really started kicking ass on this and this all just makes me more determined.

So excited!

I didn't get the picture of the dress tonight...

By the time the Husband got home it was late and we went for a nice walk. Then home for dinner. It wasn't my usual haul ass kind of walk but I figure that any kind of movement is worth it.

Still struggling to find the motivation lately. But it's still there. Somewhere.

I bought a new shirt today. It was a size 22/24 and it's snug but not uncomfortable. I'm getting there. Slowly but surely.

Look For Something Positive....

... Even if some days you have to look a little harder.

Alright, alright, alright. I've been MIA I know. Last week Little Guy and I had Vacation Bible School. It usually starts at 6pm and goes until 8pm so I didn't get much of a chance to update or even walk for that matter. I've taken a few walks here and there but nothing like I was. Luckily they are calling for it to be warm through October so I still have a few months to get some good stuff in before the cold settles.

In the last two weeks I have lost another 2.8 lbs... Despite our TOPS picnic last tuesday and then the husband and I hitting Cheesecake Factory to celebrate our anniversary. I was particularly surprised considering that I haven't been exercising lately either... other than just rushing around and dancing at VBS. But I'll take it. 

I really need to do a side-by-side comparison of myself two years ago. I am actually planning on doing this and putting on my Wedding dress. Considering that 2 years ago I was nearing 379 lbs (although I was 8 mos pregnant at the time) and this year I am a svelte 304.2. 

Fitbit went on a bit of an adventure. I had taken it off and set it on the edge of the couch one night and the next morning it was gone. No idea where it had gone (didn't really look too hard lol) but figured it would show up eventually. Well... I was getting ready to go somewhere and went in the kitchen by the door. In the box next to the door was Fitbit among a pile of Little Guy's cars/vehicles. He'd grabbed it and threw it in the box with his toys. I couldn't even be mad... lol. So now it's charging and I can start wearing it again.

Hopefully pictures to come sometime this week. I'd really like to do the wedding dress one but we'll see. I already know I can fit in it wearing jeans and a hoodie but would still really like to have a side-by-side.

Happy Losing!

Don't Let Your Struggle Become Your Identity.

It's hot. It's 90 degrees but it feels like 98. It's hot.

But I "forced" myself to go for a walk. I wanted to do 3 miles but I was happy with 2 miles. I ended up with 2.75 mi. I'm happy with that.

I'm happy and hungry.

I'm proud of myself because of a non-exercise victory. Today, little man and I visited my parents. I probably spoke about my mom before but if I haven't, or you don't want to look back, my mom is a HUGE enabler and junk food junkie. She's always offering candy and cookies and soda and chips... Its ridiculous. Well... Today I planned for our visit and packed Little Man some fruit and some "healthier" cookies (Teddy Grahams...) and when he got hungry, he had those. She offered him cheese curls but then gave me a dirty look when I said no thank you. I don't mind Little Man having that stuff once in a while, but I try VERY hard to give him a balanced diet and limit that kind of stuff. Then, my mom kept asking me if I wanted a little microwave pizza and I politely refused. She tried to pawn off Pepsi and snack cakes and chips and I just told her I wasn't hungry. I was but I usually wait until Little Man goes down for nap because it's like my special time. Instead, I had a great big glass of water and didn't bring anything home.

A friend's wedding is tomorrow. Not sure what kind of food will be there... But I'm going to try my best to behave but still enjoy. 

Sometimes Following Your Heart....

... Means Losing Your Mind.

This. This was me today.

I turned into an absolute emotional basket-case this afternoon and I don't even know why. It was like everything that's been weighing on my heart just collapsed it to the point of I felt like I was being suffocated. It's a horrible feeling.

So... What did I do?

I walked. And I ran. I ran until my lungs and chest burned. I ran until my knees ached. I ran until sweat dripped and soaked my shirt.

And... I cried.

I. Cried.

But I feel better and I needed it. I needed the time to be alone with myself and work through my frustrations and anger and hurts. I needed to just be with God. I'm still sad... but it's not the desperate sad I was before dinner.

I'm so blessed that my husband lets me take off when I need to. I figure it's better for our relationship than to take everything out on him when it's clearly not him. He's been so great and said he understands that I don't always get time to myself... So it means a lot to me.

My girlfriend and I walked the kids to library this morning. It's a brutal two hill walk (about a mile total) and half way up she wanted to take off her shoes. I haven't done that in forever but it felt so good.

Also, I got my new weight goal from the doctor's office. It looks pretty sweet saying 250! I know to a lot of people that's still a really high number but for me... It's awesome! Considering at my heaviest, I was almost 400! I only have 8 more pounds until I'm finally out of the 3's and I am so ready for it.

Had every intention of getting up yesterday morning and taking a nice walk before it got too hot to breathe. Unfortunately... I got up and felt like I'd been run down by a bus. I was so exhausted I couldn't get out of bed. Ended up making pancakes for breakfast and then went back to bed. After sleeping on/off for about 2 hours I felt a LOT better. Not great but definitely better than when I'd woken up. So... no walk. I hated not going but I also know that pushing myself too hard isn't good either. 

My friend texted me this morning and asked if we wanted to go for a walk. So we did. It was only 1.64 mi but it's better than nothing and sometimes just the companionship is the best and most needed part. She's really great because she always compliments me. Like she noticed that my legs are solid and muscular. She said that now that I'm losing weight, my face looks cute. I know that sounds harsh but I know what she meant. It made me feel better though after all the negative feelings I'd had the last few days. 

So I haven't done too bad this weekend but I could definitely do better. We splurged and had a soda last night with pizza and I ended up going over my points but not too badly. Back on track today and hopefully I can do enough damage control... but I think I'm going to be okay this week. 

You have to fight through some bad days....

To earn the best days of your life...

Pre-Walk... 

Fitbit says it is ELEVEN flights of stairs to the TOP (the VERY top) of the hills.

Sweaty after 3.64 miles and 15 flights of stairs!

So... Last night was a total disaster. I made pork chops, roasted red potatoes, corn on the cob, stuffing and gravy for dinner. Well... The coating on the chops burnt but the chops were raw in the middle. The potatoes cooked for OVER an hour and were still uncooked. The corn turned orange and I forgot the stuffing until I was almost done with cooking. Was made at my husband for making me cook in 90 degree heat (with no A/c in the main part of the house). I was sweaty and miserable and a complete spicy disaster. Next time... I will spread the taters out more in a bigger pan. I will brown the chops on the stove then cook in the oven. Oh.. Well..

I am proud of myself for getting up and getting my walk in before the Bridal Shower. I did one trek around the block (about 2.56 miles and up the beast of the hill!) and then walked to the end of the road for an extra mile. If my knees weren't so sore, I might have made it 4 miles but I was running low on time and energy. 

I forgot to do my Pilates this morning. I planned on doing at least the two arm workouts, and give my legs a break, but I didn't. Hopefully I can squeeze it in this afternoon. 

I am currently at 10.46 miles for this week alone. Tomorrow is going to be another cooler day (and by cooler I mean 80's!) so I am going to attempt to at least get a decent walk tomorrow. 

Happy Friday

1. Pilates is kicking my butt! Literally! My thighs and hips are so sore. My arms are burning. I've upped my arms to two workouts (They're only like 6 or 7 minutes each) and am still struggling with the thigh one. Yesterday, I felt I was able to do more of it but today I was burning up!

2. Nectarines are still super yummy!

3. The munchkin and I walked 3.18 miles today. Fitbit says that we did 8 floors as well (that silly hill!)... I can definitely feel it. It feels good. I am hoping to get a couple decent walks in this weekend. Have a bridal shower tomorrow (but I should be able to walk in the a.m...) and then nothing going on Sunday. Should be cooler as well. Today it's expected to reach 90's. This weekend should be low 80's. 

4. For lunch I ate a salad... well it was lettuce with italian dressing. No extras. Then I had a Lean Cuisine Chicken Fried Rice. It was pretty tasty. Then I had a nectarine, 20 in-shell peanuts and a cup of milk. Not too bad! Pork chops, potatoes, corn on the cob and applesauce for dinner. Simple, yet yummy!

5. I tried on "THOSE JEANS" the other day again and they fit even better. Even with a 2 lb gain. That makes me EXTREMELY happy and excited. My new note from the doctor should be here tomorrow or early next week. I hope the right new weight is on it. But... I'll find out. 

6. The picture below is the most real you'll ever see me. I'm not pic into taking body pictures or anything like that (except for my private use...) but I just felt like taking these today. It makes me feel open and honest.

After a 3.18 mile walk... Exhausted!

1. Nectarines are DELICIOUS!

2. Salad is YUMMY!

3. Milk is good too! Especially cold!

I've been really struggling the last couple days with positive body-image. It's like I've mention before that I don't ever really see a difference in my body from losing weight. I can feel it. I can go longer distances without getting winded. I can go longer distances period. I just don't SEE the change. 

Today, my mom was looking for a shirt for my brother's impending wedding. We went back in the dressing rooms and of course there are mirrors. I looked at myself and just broke down and cried. I still have a long way to go. I felt so horrible and self-conscious. 

I texted my husband and told him how I felt and he was very sweet and reassuring. And then he told me that my legs are looking more toned and tight. He told me that when he hugs me... he can get his arms around me even more whereas several months ago he couldn't even touch his fingers. It made me feel better.

Everything I am doing, I know I am doing right. I'm eating more salads (again) and picking up on the fruit. I'm staying away from soda and ice cream (still allowing myself a treat here and there... like a pb cup). I'm doing Pilates (thighs and arms, right now, and it's definitely working!) and still walking.

(Post Walk Selfie 08-03-2016)

DETERMINATION is doing what needs to be done... Even when you don't feel like doing it.

Had a minor setback last night at weigh-in. I knew it could go either way, but it's always so disappointing when the scales tip in the wrong direction. I gained 2.4lbs to go back up to 310.8. Still not bad, considering what I've done thus-far.

I was sitting on my floor with my son yesterday morning and I was so disgusted by my chunky legs. You'd think that all the walking, there would be some type of toning. Maybe there is and I just don't see it yet.... So I decided that Pilates was a good choice. It's quiet, some routines are fifteen minutes or less... I started it yesterday and my legs and buns are so sore today!

I also decided to retry my FitBit. I've been having trouble with it keeping a charge but I thought I should give it another try. I miss wearing it and seeing the progress from the day. If it doesn't work, I guess I can ask Santa for a new one.