Today sucked. Plain and simple.

I should have known by the fact that my father called my house at 4am. When I answered out of a dead sleep, he asked if he woke me up. I said, Yes... it's 4am. He then laughed and said he dialed the wrong number and that he'd been messing with the remote. We said goodbye and hung up.

Then I called my mom at 8am like I always do and she is upset. She said that Dad blocked her in the kitchen and beat her down. I said I didn't know what to do... and she didn't either. I asked if she wanted to come to my house for the day. She said no. She said their televisions weren't working and I said that my husband could stop after work and she went on about how she didn't think she'd be alive by 4pm and that Dad was going to kill her. She said that they were up all night and he was complaining of pain so she gave him a pain pill at 4am and fed him a peanut butter sandwhich and he was happy. Then she made me talk to him.

I asked him what was going on and he said that she's always yelling at him and blaming him for things. She was in the background calling him a liar and he was yelling back at her. I told him that she says the same thing and he laughed and asked why she's like that. I told him it's because of her Alzheimers. He said that was bullshit. He said that he refused to believe it. I told him that she sees a neurologist and has been diagnosed with it. He said he'd back off then. There were more things said and I got upset and started crying. He told me to stop yelling at him and I said I wasn't... that I was crying and upset. I told him that the two of them need to move to some kind of assisted living situation where they can get professional help. I told him that they don't take care of each other and obviously can't take care of themselves and maybe it's time to move out of the house. I told him that the whole situation tears me up every night and that this isn't the life I envisioned for them me, me or my son.

Just to clarify... My father does NOT beat my mother. I have learned to take her stories with a grain of salt... she tends to blow things out of proportion and takes things the wrong way. He's always been kind of rough but in a he never really knew his own strength kind of way. He could pinch your shoulder playfully and it would really hurt... but he's never laid a hand on anyone.

My guess is that they misunderstood each other. Yes my mother can be relentless. Yes my dad can be stubborn. Both of them have health issues and mental issues and can't hear well. Add in the fact that they didn't get a lot of sleep and it was bound to blow up.

But the repercussions are inevitable. It is DEFINITELY time to start looking into some kind of assisted living for them. The only problem is getting the ball rolling and getting everyone on board. My dad refuses to get rid of his truck and tractor. I get it. I get the independence thing... but enough is enough.

The hopes and dreams I had for my son are shattered in regards to family. I always saw my parents playing with my kids. Baking cookies. Having sleepovers. My dad driving them on the tractor. Playing card games with them. Sullivan will never have that and it breaks my heart. In addition to that... my brother has kind of thrown us all aside in favor of his in-laws. They are younger and have money to do things. My family doesn't and in tossing my parents aside, he's tossed me and my son aside. And that breaks my heart too. My family is small to begin with and I feel like my son is losing all of it. He won't have family to tell him stories about his Mimi and PawPaw or his mommy. He won't have someone to look through family photos with him.

I feel alone.

I feel like my heart is literally breaking as I type this and think about it.

I have been crying on and off all day long. My head has been hurting since I got up and I have been emotional eating. Which is frustrating. I tried to "walk" during munchkins nap, but I didn't have it in me. I managed a mile and that was it and I was disappointed with myself.

But sometimes... the best thing you can do for yourself is just rest and be as still as possible. After all the drama and trauma of the past 24 hours, dealing with a migraine and crying all day... I just needed the rest.

Tomrrow is a new day and I strive to not let these things get the best of me. I will strive to take care of myself because if I don't... I won't be able to take care of anyone else. I won't be able to be strong enough to go through this.

"... You're an overcomer, stay in the fight till the final round. You're not going under, Cause God is holding you right now. You might be down for a moment, feeling like it's hopeless. That's when He reminds you, that you're an overcomer..." (Mandisa)

I love this song for so many reasons: 1) It's upbeat. 2) It has a GREAT message. 3) It's empowering. 4) It's awesome for blasting in the car and singing along to... 5) IT'S TRUTH.

This song fires me up and makes me excited. It reminds me that even though I might be struggling at the moment... that eventually, like everything else, this will pass. It reminds me that I am stronger than I believe myself to be and I can be stronger, bigger and better than my situation. It also reminds me that, even though I might feel alone, I am not. 

And I feel alone a lot of the time in this struggle. Of course, I have friends who support me and kick my ass along the way... but at the end of the day when they've gone to bed... It's just me. Alone with my thoughts. Alone with my demons and my negativity. I can't count on people to be there 24/7. I have to pull up my big girl panties and face the world on my own. But the support, encouragement and love that I recieve and I know is there... helps me get through it.

Last night at weigh in I gained 0.4 lbs. But you know what? I'm okay with it. It means I am doing something right because since January 1st... I haven't gained a full pound. I gained 0.6 total. Before, I would have gained a pound or over... so I MUST be doing something right.

I definitely have the exercise part figured out. I average about 3-5 miles a day (Kind of awesome when before I was averaging 2...). The end of January I walked 72 1/2 (out of 720) miles and I am still going strong. I find that even on the days I struggle, I still bust out a good amount of miles. Last week was a personal best at 19 1/2. I've done 20 in one week (May 2017) but I will get there again. I am most certainly on the right track.

My struggle lies with food. Good, old, wonderful, horrible, evil FOOD. I struggle to find the right amounts of stuff and not giving in to candy. No one saw me eat that mini snickers bar so it's okay to have another. I am putting a scoop of nutella (unmeasured, mind you!) into my yogurt buuuuut a little extra spoonful straight into my mouth is OK... No one saw it. It doesn't count.

Ahh but, my love, it does.

This is my goal now. To recommit to tracking. Measuring. Weighing. I KNOW I can be successful if I put the effort into it and really try. I've done really well on it. I need to readopt my attitude of ONE DAY AT A TIME. Instead of worrying about what I'm going to do TOMORROW to be successful, I need to worry about today and the next meal. It's worked with my miles, so why wouldn't it work with my food.

A big issue is that I think about it ALL THE TIME. Constantly. I think about what I'm going to eat for dinner and whether I'll have enough points to eat what I want for dinner. Whether that mini twix bar is really going to break the bank (and news flash... YES it will!). 

And I need to remember that I am only human and I am going to make mistakes and mess up. I am going to have days where it's just too hard and I mess up royally. I am going to have moments that the twix bars will win and the salad will lose. But I need to remember that I am truly trying. That I am doing my best. That I am learning.

I need to remind myself that I am an overcomer and I will beat this. 

And so will you.

Failure keeps you humble...
    Success keeps you glowing...
         But only FAITH and DETERMINATION keep you going.

It's been a while since I've written here and well... while I once used to be really good at journaling and blogging... life has held me captive. I'm going to try to be better but don't expect posts every day. Or rather... just be prepared. Some days I might post more than once and other times you might not hear from me for weeks.

But I'm still here.

I was lucky enough to drop from 330 (I forget the exact amount) to 301 by the end of fall 2017. Unfortunately... I let myself go. I jumped back to 333 by the beginning of the year.

But, my peeps, I am trying. I am really motivated and dedicated to do better this year.

I was challenged to walk 720 miles this year. I started with an average of 2 miles a day and then upped it to 3. Then before I knew it... I was going between 4 and 5 daily. I usually take one day of rest (sometimes more depending on what's going on) but I am really focused.

Life has become stressful. My little guy is almost 3 and a half and he is a little spitfire. Full of energy and talking up a storm. Oh... and potty trained. Thank the Lord!

We recieved a new Pastor at church and it feels like home again. He is fun and full of life and makes worship enjoyable again. I can relate to his teachings and I am so excited to grow spiritually.

My parents health is ailing. My dad is in his late 70's and had cellulitis this summer. He had 2 toes amputed but has a whole host of other issues. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers almost a year ago. She holds on pretty well but I can tell that she's in a decline. They don't get along and I am working on taking Durable Power of Attorney over them. It's been a whirlwind.

I am turning 35 this summer and my hopes of becoming pregnant are fading. My husband and I refuse to do any testing (we can't afford it and I'm more into... if it'll happen, it'll happen) and I haven't been pregnant in 2 years when I had my last miscarriage. I don't know if my weight plays a factor since I've been pregnant 3 times total... but hopefully losing this weight will help. But like I said... I'm giving it to God. I have my one rainbow baby and if he's all I get in this life... I'm fine with it. I just can't shake the feeling that someone is missing from our family.

Anyway.. I have to make some dinner... I'll check back in soon. Love you all! <3 p="">

The past few weeks have been a struggle. I'd like to say this is easy... but it's not and never will be. The previous week I had to take my dad to the hospital for a doctor's appointment... So there went a workout. Then I felt sick to my stomach. There went another work out. This week... This week I wanted to eat everything in sight... and I'm pretty sure I did.

I'm so disappointed in myself.

But... I am trying to use this as a learning experience. There is a possibility that I might miss my weigh-in this week. We are expected to get a whopping 6 - 10 inches of heavy wet snow tomorrow into tuesday... and who knows what will happen tuesday.

The week is not a total loss... as I still have tomorrow and tuesday to redeem myself and I am going to try my hardest. Workouts will be completed and water will be drunk.

At least... as hard as it's been... I have NOT succumbed to soda. And that is something I am proud of. Now if I could just get the damn chocolate out of the house... I'd be happy.

Failure Will Never Overtake Me ...

... If My Determination To Succeed Is Strong Enough.

Five days of workout completed.

You know that awkward feeling you get when you step off the treadmill but you feel like you're still moving? Yeah... I got that without the treadmill. It was kind of a good feeling, honestly. Since today is Friday, and the last workout of the week, I pushed myself to run harder.

Something that kind of bothered me yesterday, that I meant to write about but forgot, was that I was complaining to a friend about how some days I feel like I don't have time for anything. Dishes need washed. Little guy needs taken care of. The dog needs let out. The living room/kitchen is STILL a mess. The carpets need vacuumed. So on and so forth. She told me to let some things go and make time. She told me to skip my workout and use nap time as a time to get things done. I know she doesn't really understand that my workout IS me time. It's the time that I better myself and let go of a lot of my hurts and guilt. It allows me an hour to focus on just me and to make myself feel better. Like I said, I know she doesn't understand so I wasn't really THAT mad... but it's just kind of frustrating. I've given up a LOT to be a SAHM (and please don't think I regret any of it for a minute!) but if I don't take care of me, how can I take care of my family? My future family? So no... unfortunately (or fortunately) my workout doesn't get skipped, unless something happens and it's an absolute necessity. Sometimes, my workout is the only thing keeping me going.

Onward we go!

Have a great weekend!

Your Mind Is A Powerful Thing

When you fill it with positive thoughts -- your life will start to change.

I decided I kind of liked doing my own walking thing... So that's what I did. I put on an hour long show... walked/marched during the program and jogged/ran during the commercials. I got in 9,000 steps by the end (partly cause I went shopping and was walking all over the store) and had 4.21 miles down.

It's only the first week... So I hope I can keep it up the rest of the year!

That Broken Thing You Keep Trying To Put Back Together...

...Can't Even Compare With That Beautiful Thing That's Waiting To Be Built.

What do you do when you really want to get your 3 miles in using your walking video, but it's windy as heck and the internet goes down? You put on episodes of Dawson's Creek and Beverly Hills 90210... and during the show, you walk. During the commercials, you run/jog/power walk around your house, using your toddler's toys as hurdles.

Last night was the first official weigh-in of the new year and it's a fresh start. I made a promise to myself weeks ago that I was going to enjoy the holidays and if I gained, I gained... but I wasn't going to go over five pounds and that's what I ended up gaining... over 4 weeks. So I can't be super mad at myself... but now I'm ready to start over.

Starting Goal Weight: 310.8

Here we go....

One Pound At A Time

Resolution:

 * a resolve, a determination or decision

Promise:

 * a declaration that something will or will not be done,given, etc., by one.

My promises to myself for 2017:

1. Continue working on my health. I have been slacking over the holidays and I believe that I deserve a break. Luckily I haven't completely sabotaged myself to the point of being where I was at the beginning of summer, but now it's time to get serious. I expect there to be ups and downs, good days, bad days, heck... good moments vs bad moments. But... It's not in the trials you've been through, it's how you deal with them. I hope to use them as a learning experience and get back on track those off days.

2. To grow in my faith. I have been seriously lacking in this department lately and I can feel it. How does this tie into health? Well... If I don't take care of me, I can't take care of others. On days that I am happy and my soul is well fed, I'm more likely to want to exercise and make better choices. When I am "down in the dumps" I am more likely to mindlessly eat and be sad. I'm not saying that I expect to be happy all the time, but I need to return to my faith because I find that I miss who I was when my soul was well. I miss being involved and that amazing family feeling I got from my Church and Church family. I've been working on a gratitude journal every night before bed. I try to write at LEAST 3 things down... but on the days that I can maybe write ONE, I am happy with it. I've also been trying to do my devotionals and doing special one with my little guy (who's not so little). 

3. I am attempting a NO-SODA year. I've done this before (Or as my mom says... doing that soda thing?) and made it all the way to August before. I am hoping to make it the WHOLE year. Last year I didn't attempt it but rather just played it day by day. It worked, most of the time, but once in a while I'd get caught up and go over-board. I'm just going to try and do without it.

I'm sure there will be other smaller goals and mini-goals I will try to accomplish this year (Planning on a no candy/sugar month... just not sure when!) but those are the big ones. By this time next year, I want to be able to buy clothes in the store... not having to buy everything online. It's expensive for shipping and such but also... bigger sized clothes cost more anyway.

I hope that you make your goals/promises/resolutions this year. We can do this and we deserve it.

Happy New Year.

I've been MIA lately....

... The holidays seem to take over every aspect of my life. I'm the baker in the family... which actually works out for me. I tend to be super critical of my meals/treats. Everyone says the things I make are delicious, but a lot of times I don't think so. Because of this... I tend not to chow down as much as I might if someone else made it. Although... there are certain cookies that I LOVE and will eat.

My husband bought me a Fitbit Charge 2 for Christmas. I am so glad because my old one (Which I bought way back before Fitbit was popular!) was pretty much useless. It was cracked and refused to hold charge. I am getting used to this one and so far I am enjoying it. It's fancy and I am so tickled with it.

I am up on the scale the last few weeks. 309.4 so not too bad but not great. I am planning on cutting out the soda on the 1st of the year. I am trying to be decent this week but so far... not so great. We are doing New Years Resolutions this week at TOPS and I am planning on putting down that I want to lose 10lbs. I did it this summer and I know I can do it now. The program runs from the first week of Jan until the 1st week of March. Plenty of time to get it down and more. :)

Well... Fitbit says It's time for bed... lol

Merry Christmas and may your 2017 be filled with love, happiness and good health!

Even if you can't physically see the results in front of you, every single effort is changing your body from the inside... Never Get Discouraged...

This is something I honestly struggle with in my daily life. I have dropped from 379 (at my heaviest in 2014 while pregnant with my son) to 301. My clothes fit better and i have more energy and am more active and eating better, but I don't see the results when I look at myself. I still have that flap of skin that flops over the side of my pants. I still have the wavy bat arms. I don't SEE the changes... but I know they are there. I know that I no longer need to have blood work every 6 months anymore. I know that all my health levels are where they should be and are exemplary. I just don't SEE the loss. But it's there and I must remember that.

So... this past week I lost 5.6lbs which puts me at 301. I was shocked. I've been trying to keep track (up until the weekends) and doing the 3 mile burn body fat and something... or all of it... is working. Tomorrow is our Thanksgiving at my brothers and then we're doing another one friday for just us. My plan is to enjoy the food that we have but not treat it like it's my last meal. There will be other turkey dinners and pies and the likes.

Strength....

You are only as strong as you allow yourself to be; never get discouraged, never give up because consistency & dedication is the key to success.

I have been religiously (I guess...) following Leslie Sansone's Walk Away The Pounds 3 mile HIIT DVD. It kind of kicks my butt but in a good way. It's about 15 miles (if I do 5 days a week... which is about my average. I like to give myself a break here and there) a week if I keep on it. That's not including raking leaves and walking with my little Man. Although, this morning, it was great. Usually I walk during his nap time but I wanted to get it out of the way early today... and he was doing some of it with me. There are a couple parts where you walk forward and backwards and side to side and he was right there with me. Although, his workout usually ended up in spinning until he got dizzy and fell down giggling... it was heart warming. Plus... during the middle of mile 2, he brought my water bottle out for me. What a little sweetheart!

So... For my TOPS rally I got a couple charms. I wanted to do something with them so I could see them and use them... So I bought a really long chain from Wal-Mart for like $3 and put them on there. I should jazz it up a little bit, but I kind of like where it is... It's nice to have a visual reminder of how far I've already come and there's plenty of room for more charms... Which I hope to add to it as my journey continues. 

Current Weight: 305.2

Goal Weight (For now...): 250

These are the charms. The Tiger was from attending the Rally Days. The Giraffe was from being Division I Winner and the Sun was for 2nd place Summers Best. The halfway to goal is from when I reached halfway to my first goal.

This is what it looks like. Although, I did lengthen the chain cause I like that it's long.

Walk It Off

So after my ego boost at the Dr's office yesterday... I decided to treat myself to a new workout video. I feel kind of guilty because I could have gotten a TON online... but at the same time my internet doesn't always work (I live in NY and if a squirrel farts in Miami Beach... My internet goes out!) so it'll be a nice thing to fall back on. The only problem with getting videos on Youtube is that a lot aren't long enough. Maybe I just haven't looked enough...

I like to sweat. It makes me feel accomplished. It makes me feel like I'm getting a worthy workout and I think that's why I want videos that are longer than 20 minutes or 10 minutes. The shorter ones will be good for days I don't have a ton of time... or maybe as a mood booster. But we'll see.

I can't wait to start!

ps. I feel like most of my entries are bs entries. lol...

Six-Month Checkup

According to the doctor's scale... I lost 25 lbs in 6 months.

The doctor couldn't believe it. She asked what I had been doing and didn't believe me when I told her mostly walking and eating salads. She was super impressed. All my important numbers have actually normalized and are exceptional. She took me off of Fish Oil (for my Hypertension) but doesn't want to take me off the meds just yet. I am two numbers away from dropping to the next level of BMI.

I asked, just out of curiosity, what the ultimate weight would be for me. She didn't really give me an answer... which is okay but kind of frustrating at the same time. She just wants me to keep going the pace I'm going. She also suggested that I keep a journal and just write something positive. Like... my jeans were loose... so that when I hit rough patches I can look back and remember. She also suggested getting some workout videos for the winter months when it's nasty out. I have a couple but maybe I'll look around and see what else is out there.

I can't believe how floored she was by my progress. This was kind of the kick I needed to get back on track.

I am now 306.4 lbs.

OooHHHH!!! My TOPS rally was last month and I found out why my leader wanted me there so badly.

I was division winner for overall loss this year. (18.8)
I was 2nd place for Summer's Best. (16.2) (I actually got a charm for this!)
Then I got an award for even losing weight this year and for attending my first Rally.

Next year I kind of want to do the Baggy Clothes parade and wear my wedding dress. Not sure if it would be from my first wedding (Which would be HUGE on me) or the one from when I was 8 months pregnant. We'll see. :)

Accountability...

... Is the glue that ties commitment to... Results.

In my previous post I mentioned that I wasn't hoping for much in the way of a loss last night at weigh-in. I was right... but it wasn't as bad as I anticipated. I only gained 2.8 to bump me back up to 306.4 lbs. Chump... Change. I can lose that this week and MAYBE a little more.

I've been slacking on the walking for some time now. With the weather being cool and rainy, it's been hard to find motivation. Yesterday, Little Man and I walked 1.5 miles. He got to be pulled in the wagon, so i wonder if it was more of a work-out than before with the stroller. But he enjoyed it and I felt better.

I got $50 in spending money to get whatever I wanted. I chose to get a new pair of jammies and a new shirt. Both in 22/24. I tried the shirt on this morning and it's really tight. I hate how sizes are so off. The jammies fit comfy. Not too big but not tight either. It's so frustrating. Now I have to decide if I am going to keep the shirt until it fits or take it back and get another one or just take it back and be done. I have a lot of guilt when I buy myself something. I got half way home with my new purchase and I almost turned around to take them back. I started thinking about how my husband's birthday is coming up. How Christmas is coming. My dad's birthday. Little Man needs clothes.... We need money for groceries. On and On and On.

But anyway... On to a new week. :-) Hoping to do better this week and get back in control. I already know that Sunday we are having junk food... So I will be good up until and after so that I can have a "cheat" day... But I have already declared it a soda-free week. We'll see how long that lasts. :)

I admit that I have been struggling these past two weeks. I hate having to miss a meeting each month but I have committed to taking my Little Guy to Family Fun Night at the end of the month... Which happens to fall on Tuesdays at 6 p. 

His birthday party was last weekend and we had quite a bit of junk. I barely ate that day (mostly cause I was so busy setting up and mingling...) but I made up for it. The two bags of Chex Mix... Yeah I ate it. I tried to pawn off what I could on guests but they were unwilling. Some things we just tossed cause we knew we wouldn't eat them. I sent snacks to work with the Husband and made him take about 20 cupcakes to work... but then I ate the rest of them. 

I did walk this week past week with Munchkin while we could. Nothing too crazy but we got some good walks in. Yesterday, I put on a pair of jeans that I haven't worn in a LONG time and they were huge! I had to rig the zipper up with a key ring cause it tends to fall down, but I constantly pulling them up. Pretty soon I am going to be putting away the summer clothes and I think I am going to purge. I will be getting rid of a good part of my wardrobe... which makes me sad but excited. I asked my husband if I could get some new stuff next year. Definitely a new bathing suit.

Heading to the Apple Shed today with my family. Can't wait to get apples and make applesauce in the crock-pot. One of my faves! Not looking forward to weigh-in... but I can accept whatever the numbers and have no one to blame but myself!

Nothing to report lately. 

 One word of advice... Don't count on your shadow to give you an accurate representation of how big or how little you are. It often lies and plays games.

Lost 0.4 this week. Not a huge loss but better than a gain! 

She was unstoppable not because she did not have failures or doubts but because she continued on despite them... (Beau Taplin)

So last week I gained 4lbs and went back up to 309. I admit that I didn't do so well last week. I had several sodas, desserts, greasy burgers, pasta... I did do some walking but not nearly what I have been doing.

I wasn't expecting much last night at weigh-in but I was pleasantly surprised to learn I had lost 5lbs. I couldn't be biggest loser because I wasn't at the meeting last week... but I was happy nonetheless.

Little Man is sleeping, so I'm catching up on quiet things around the house. I turned the television on and am watching Roseanne. It's one of the episodes where Roseanne and Dan are dieting. They get rid of all the junk food and exercise more. At one point, Roseanne goes in the bathroom to take a hot bath and once the doors are closed, she pulls out a container of Pringles and sits in the tub eating them. How many times have I done that? No one is around to witness it so it doesn't count, right? I'm trying really hard to break that habit. If I buy a beef jerky stick at the store, I write it down. Sure... No one else sees it but it's still there.

My husband thinks my metabolism has finally kicked on and good grief, I hope so! I need all the help I can get on this journey! It kind of feels like it because I feel more full all the time and therefore eat less. I think I'm finally over my little slump and beginning to get back into things. I've decided not to keep track of the miles I walk but rather to make sure I get some kind of exercise in. I figure two miles a day is better than none!

I had the privilege of taking a mini-vacation with my boys this weekend. We drove out to the zoo and stayed in a hotel. It was a nice hotel, not five-star, but it wasn't shabby either. The bathroom had one of those full wall mirrors and right across from it was the shower. With all glass walls and sliding glass door. I forced myself to take a good long, hard look at what I looked like, full-length, as I was taking a shower the other day.

It maddened me.

Then it really saddened me.

Buried in all that fat and flubber is a little girl who never felt like she was good enough. Who never felt pretty enough. Who never felt smart enough or strong enough or funny enough. She was bullied and picked on. Made fun of by people who she was closest to and who she trusted.

She just wants to be loved.

So... To any of you who feel inferior... for ANY reason... I love you. I think you're beautiful. You have a purpose. You are worthy and I am glad you're here.

And... to the little girl inside me... we'll get there. We are in this together and we'll figure it out. We might have hit a small snag this past month, but we know what to do and how to do it. You hold my hand and I'll hold yours and we'll make it out of this. And all those scars and broken pieces of our heart... They are just proof that we've lived and they show others the fires we've been through... and survived. 

The Wedding Dress

August 23, 2014 (379 lbs) & August 25th 2016 (304.2 lbs)

So... Here it is. The Side By Side of the wedding dress. That dress is Custom Measured by the website I bought it from. Keep in mind that in the first photo I am 8 months pregnant. I should have taken my shirt off in the second photo to see how the top lays on me... but you can clearly see how big it is on me. Plus, the fact that I can actually wear clothes UNDERNEATH it shows how big it is on me now! How freaking incredible is this photo?

I actually DO have a real life neck... lol.

Still have a LONG way to go but I am most definitely getting there and TBH... Seeing these photos and my husband's reaction... I am proud of where I am and how far I've come. It's been such a short amount of time that I really started kicking ass on this and this all just makes me more determined.

So excited!

I didn't get the picture of the dress tonight...

By the time the Husband got home it was late and we went for a nice walk. Then home for dinner. It wasn't my usual haul ass kind of walk but I figure that any kind of movement is worth it.

Still struggling to find the motivation lately. But it's still there. Somewhere.

I bought a new shirt today. It was a size 22/24 and it's snug but not uncomfortable. I'm getting there. Slowly but surely.