Last night's weigh-in had me kind of nervous. Usually, I try not to focus on the numbers on the scale alone but by my clothing and towels and so on. Lately I've been feeling very bloated and big... but the scale keeps going down.

This week I went down 1lb. Before, I would be discouraged. ONLY A POUND? Really? I count and measure and work at it for little to no changes? Really? Well... I'll take it. Slow and steady is good for me. As much as I'd love to wake up tomorrow and be thin... I have to remind myself that it didn't go on in a night or a week. This has been 20 years of bad choices. Honestly, I'm more proud of myself for doing it the right way. I'm teaching myself to be more conscientious of my choices and portion sizes. It's really cool to have so many people wishing me well and cheering on my successes. It actually makes me want to do better. With the holidays coming up, I'm not planning on losing. If I maintain, I'll be happy.

So while I was sitting here thinking about my loss... I realized that 1lb is equal to 4 sticks of butter. If I can just keep doing that... I'll be good.

Weight this week: 353.6

Happy Losing!

Plooper's Plight...

Well I missed TOPS last week. Partly because I was sick and partly because we had a snow storm (Which ended up not being as bad as they thought it would be...).

So in two weeks, I gained .4lbs. Honestly, I felt like I was going to go in and gain like 5. Unfortunately, Plooper still loses a leg. His first one. Which means he's down to 7 legs... Which isn't too bad. I just have to make sure I am careful from here on out.

I've been thinking about asking my parents if I can stop by a couple days a week to use their treadmill. I figure if I do that for like an hour... it won't be too bad.

Anyway... To a new and better week. I can and will do this.

Sorry Plooper... :-(

Plooper survived Weigh-In #1.

I lost 1.4lbs this week. I'm kind of surprised because with Friday night and Sunday... I didn't make the best choices. But I am excited either way. It felt good!

I have to figure out how to keep the momentum going and step it up. I've been drinking a LOT more water this week... I only had two sodas this week and very little chocolate. I've been trying to have more yogurt and I really need to step up the fruits and veggies.

Happy Losing!

*Shaking my head*

I was so bad yesterday I am ashamed!

I don't know what got a hold of me but I just couldn't stop eating. I wasn't feeling great to begin with. I was mad about stuff going on at work... I just couldn't stop shoveling it in. According to my calculations, my "friend" should be visiting next week sometime. Someone told me that if you load up on dairy, like yogurt, the week before, it'll help curb cravings. I might have to give that a try.

I feel so gross today I don't even want to eat anything. I saved my big soda cup from last night, washed all the ickies out of it, filled it with water and put it in the fridge to cool down. I KNOW that if you drink from a straw, you consume more.

I also think I am going to write down my TOPS pledge on an index card and keep it with me at all times. That way, when I feel like going almost 1,000 calories (Yes, that's about the damage I did yesterday!) I can whip it out and remind myself I deserve better!

Redeem myself Saturday... Ugh!

Happy Losing!

I didn't get a chance to post Tuesday about my 2nd meeting.

I stayed the same.

Which is good, in that I didn't gain... but bad in that I didn't lose. No one to blame but myself. Too much chocolate and the likes.

Yesterday I messed up. A lot of today too. My work has been stressing me out and I just mindless eat. Peanut butter cups? Ok! Usually I don't keep a lot of chocolate in my house but the bf bought some for Halloween. I guess that's a good sign that we still have some and haven't devoured it all yet, but at the same time it's still there.

Today I feel big. My shirt fees tight and I am just out of breath at everything. I just feel fat.

This weeks weight: 355.6

Today is about the halfway mark in my 1st week of Tops... I've been making an effort to really track and "be good". I think I've been doing pretty decent... at least better than I was.

Yes, I am still eating candy but I count it out BEFORE I consume it... so I only take 5 mini pb cups or 1/4 c. peanut M's instead of taking a HANDFUL and counting it out after I've eaten it. Plus, I've only been allowing myself to have 1 or 2 servings of chocolate a day...

Work has been so crazy lately that by the time I get home, I crash. I need to figure out a new thing for exercise. I saw a ballet video and I kind of liked it... so I think I might buy that. I usually take my laptop to work so maybe during naptime I can pop in one and bust out a 15 minute something or other.

Well, I got to go eat some yummy homemade beef stew! :)

Happy Losing!

Meet Plooper...

Plooper is my new best friend. Why - you may ask... well... This week I decided to bite the bullet and join TOPS (Taking Off Pounds Sensibly). I weighed in at 355.6lbs... Which I know is NOT great but at the same time, I have not gained back all I lost before. But, back to Plooper. One of the contests we are starting is an Octopus Contest. We all made these out of yarn and other crafty items. The deal is... if you gain, miss a meeting or forget him... You have to chop off a leg. I know, I know, I know... sounds cruel and I am certain that IF (big if) I have to amputate... I will more than likely cry. So the goal is to have the most legs because then it's $1-2 per leg you have left.

So please pray for Plooper... That he doesn't lose any limbs and that I have the strength to keep him all in tact!

In other news... I haven't been doing too bad. I've really been making a conscientious effort at keeping track and "being good". Yesterday was so hectic, I didn't have time to eat until I went home and I tried not to go crazy. My bf and I were arguing about M&M's. I said I wanted 10 and he wouldn't let me go over 8... but I took a "heaping" 1/4th cup. But then I went back for another. And then I went to bed.

I need to start getting going on the exercise thing. I know that eating better and less will help but it's not all I need to do. Hopefully when I get my craft room worked out upstairs I'll be a lot more busy.

Happy Losing!

I totally meant to post yesterday but I didn't. I've been so exhausted this week it's ridiculous!

I got to put SEVEN pebbles in my jar yesterday. That's right... SEVEN!

The funny thing is that I don't feel like I've lost... I feel like I've gained. I try not to go by just weight alone but by other things... like if my towel closes or how much of a gap there is or how tight the seatbelt is.

In other news... I am really craving bananas in Sprite.

Odd??

I had my check up today.

The doctor is excited because I am doing so well. The only thing she was concerned about (but not really) was my good cholesterol. She said I can fix that by exercising more. Fine by me!

Unfortunately... the scale at home said I was up 10lbs but the one at the doctor's was the same as the last time or almost. I wish the floors in my house were even! I've been taking it out in the entryway but I can't do that much longer.

At least I am feeling encouraged.

Today my love and I attended Naples Grape Festival.

It was AWESOME! It was nice and warm and sunny with blue skies and white puffy clouds. There were a LOT of people but it was good.

I admit that I splurged and had some yummies I shouldn't have but I hope I offset it by walking. And I really didn't do that bad. Nothing fried!

My legs definitely feel it tonight and I am exhausted. Having Chicken Pot Pie for dinner with lots of yummy stuff in the middle. So delish! :)

I've been really struggling the last couple months/weeks.

There's been so much going on... that I feel like I can't win.

First there was the whole miscarriage. And after I moved past (as much as I can) I started doing Zumba again tues/thurs night with my friend. Although she decided she didn't want to anymore and then we had this whole big ass scare at work (Thinking we were going to ALL lose our jobs and our hours go cut so I'm barely bringing home enough to pay bills and buy some groceries)... There's just been so much stress I can't see straight!

I'm not giving up though. In fact my friend posted something on facebook as a motivator and I took it and am doing the same thing. The pictures aren't very great... at all...

For some reason it looks like they say LAST but it's supposed to be LBS LOST. Then every time I lose a pound, I get to put a pretty blue pebble in the jar. Initially I didn't think of a goal cause I have so much I want to lose... but now maybe I'll do a goal and when I reach it I can buy myself something nice and pretty.

The BF and I were talking and he said we could definitely get a treadmill too. We just have to go through the other room and clean it out and get stuff together to sell. Maybe that'll be some more motivation too!

Like I said, I'm not giving up. I just have to find something that works for me. I haven't been doing TOO bad... I barely drink soda anymore. Usually just 1 (or 2) cans of diet at his parent's house on sundays and maybe once in a great while I'll get a regular when the cravings hit... but for the most part... I've stopped drinking it. So even if it's not showing up in lbs lost or whatever, at least I know I'm still trying. I just have to step it up!

Step
   It
     UP!

Tonight I started Zumba again...

... I forgot how hard it is... haha!

My hips felt like they were going to swivel right off... my arms and legs are so sore and I am STARVING!

But it was so worth it. I am tired but I know I accomplished something and I made a step in the right direction.

Zumba again Thursday night.. I'm excited!

I am ashamed to admit to this but I am at 348.7lbs.

Am I surprised? Not really. The last couple weeks have been such constant yo-yo with everything that happened in July and trying to get back to normal to all the stress of work. Hopefully that is all over with now and I can focus on what's important.

Today I start with a clean slate. No more soda. Yup, that's right. No more. I totally have been binging the last couple weeks with the heat and just basically giving in to myself. I don't need the soda. I know I can go without it.

I'm pushing myself into working out again. And by working out I don't really mean... working out. I plan on attending Zumba on Tues/Thurs and hopefully (Weather permitting) walking the days I'm not dancing my ass off.

In addition to this, I am going to start really watching portion sizes. Mine have been ridiculous. It's hard because my bf eats. And by eat, I mean he EATS! But he's a guy and that's "normal" for guys. My dad was the same way. BUT... Mike was complaining yesterday that his jeans barely fit... so I know it's not just me. He already cut back his soda from one daily at work just one or two on weekends.

I feel disgusting. My side feels like I split a muscle... my knee has been hurting the last few days and I know I need to change. It's a constant on-going battle. I hate looking at myself in the mirror because I just see how bad I look and I know others see it too. But as much as I wish someone else could just change me... they can't. It's no one else's duty but mine.

What can you expect from me? Well, it's not like I have a TON of followers reading my every entry. I'm lucky if I can get maybe 5. But in a promise to myself to be true... I hope to update at least 3 times a week and once on weekend. Any encouragement, healthy recipes and that sort are always welcome. Super welcome.

I'm going to give this my all because when you get down to it.. I really want my peanut. I want my peanut like you'd never believe and I want to finally feel better about myself. I don't deserve this. No one does.

To a new year. Why wait until Jan 1st?

. . . The scale said I gained - a lot - last week which I was not surprised about! I kind of went a little overboard the week before... So it's not like it was a shock.

. . . My co-worker, Britt, said that she noticed I'm losing weight. She said when I turned sideways that I looked thinner and that my face looked thinner too. She thinks maybe I was gaining muscle since we've been very active with the kiddoes at work.

. . . I haven't really been watching what I eat this week but on the flip side... I haven't been going crazy either. I find that the more I focus on food... the more I worry about what I'm going to eat next or where my next meal will come from. If I try to focus on other things... I kind of forget about food. Which is a good thing.

. . . My co-worker/friend, Britt (as mentioned before), is going to start Zumba with me next month. Would start it now but here's my reasoning...

       My hours will be changing because I am now in a new "Classroom". I will be working 8:30a until 5p. Zumba is Tuesday (5:30-6:30p) and Thursday (6-7p). It will be perfect timing for me!

. . . That's right... My center was up for Accreditation and each classroom has to meet a certain number to become so... well... my classroom and I reach the number desired... and I work on my own. So I am going to be the new teacher of the preschool program. It'll be nice because I will break from 11:30-12:30 and that's when lunch is in our center. Since I won't have to eat with the kids... I can take my OWN lunch and make it however I want to. I'm very excited.

So there's an update. I know I haven't been writing as much as I should be. Things have just been so stinking busy the last couple weeks.
   
  

Whew!!

I found out that mowing the lawn today gave me about 1,300 calories back (give or take a few) and then walking at the festival tonight gave me back almost 1,000! AWESOME! Which makes up for the junk food we ate at the festival. But it was good. Instead of each of us getting a chicken tender basket... we got a basket of three tenders and split them. Then we split a bag of cotton candy and fried dough.

I am POOPED!

Yesterday I busied myself with making HOMEMADE chicken pot-pie. I think the most calorie laden part of it was the crust... because of the butter... but OH MY GOSH it was DELICIOUS!

I sautéed cubed chicken in butter then added celery and onion... added frozen veggies (Corn, Lima Beans, Green Beans & Peas) and cooked up a potato (as if for mashing) and tossed it in the pan. Then I added some salt, pepper and other seasonings. I added it to my pie crust and made a packet of gravy (just the gravy and add water) and poured all of it into the crust, put the second crust on top and baked it. It was so yummy and very moist! Plus it was healthy! Mike definitely liked it and it's a recipe going on rotation in our house. I think never time I want to try making it with Turkey instead...

Today I spent the morning/early afternoon mowing the front yard... hard work... I'm exhausted and sunburnt but it's all good.

Tonight we're heading to Kraut Fest. I can't wait!

I had my post-op appointment yesterday. Doctor said everything was fine and that after a month I am clear to try getting pregnant again. We talked a little bit about weight management because I would be a high-risk and have lots of complications because of my size. I told him that it's been an on-going battle and it'll never be over. I told him that I am working on it and trying and this whole "situation" has really opened my eyes.

This week I have been off since Wednesday. I have been cooking and baking like crazy! I miss it. I'm sure my recipes haven't been the healthiest but I've been trying to modify them and eat not as much! Plus the fact that I've been so busy running around and doing things... I haven't had time to sit and munch!

My latest indulgence.... Greek Yogurt Flips... LOVE the choco-almond!

Oh and does any one eat LUNA bars?? I tried one today... Chocolate Drizzled Coconut and it has 9g Protein and 3g Fiber plus a bunch of other stuff... Been thinking about buying a box to eat for breakfast... Any thoughts??

This weekend was full of mindless eating and not a lot of moving. And it showed on the scale as I went up 2 lbs.

The other night I posted that I wanted to let go and eat like crazy. Well I didn't. I allowed myself a little wiggle room but not much. I allowed myself to have an ice cream sundae cone and then called it a night.

Getting ready to go for a quick walk with my boys...

I'm struggling today a little.

Okay a LOT.

I feel like eating everything.

Triumph for Me...

... Had a training in the city today. REALLY wanted to stop at McD's and get a Chocolate Milkshake... a medium. Was in line... Next to order and instead of pulling up to the screen... I drove off...

Still want it but glad I didn't get it.

Score ONE for ME!

Ready To Move On...

My D&C was done last Friday and it was a horrible experience. My ob/gyn prescribed Misoprostol for me to take the night before to help start things. I wish he hadn't because honestly, there was so much blood I was freaked out. And most of it happened at the hospital. As if that wasn't enough, they couldn't find my labs and it just seemed like one thing after another. Once I was in my pre-op room with my Mommy (yes, even though I am 30 now, I still need my Mommy!) I was able to clean up and relax. The surgery didn't take long... about a half hour and I woke up coughing and crying. I didn't know they were going to use a breathing tube. But I felt a LOT better about a LOT of things. I still struggle emotionally, dealing with the grief and loss of my baby... but I hold fast to the hope that I will be blessed again.

While I wait for my turn, I am trying to start over. I have rejoined Lose It instead of Weight Watchers. It's free and it works, when you follow it. I'm trying to cut the soda down (I was drinking WAY too much and eating WAY too much following my miscarriage) and start drinking more water. My bf and I have been eating a LOT of salads lately... So yum! Just waiting for the veggies to come up!

As for the exercise, I have really been thinking about Zumba again. There's a class at my church/work on Thursdays and Tuesdays... and it's only $10 a week... If I'm not paying $18 a month for WW... I think I might be able to swing it. Gotta think about it a little more.

So I'm keeping my chin up and I'm keeping the faith. Better things are coming.... I can feel it.

It's a Wild World...

It's been a while since I've last posted anything.

Okay it's been a LONG time. But I have a valid excuse. Life. Life gets in the way of everything sometimes, doesn't it?

It's been a crazy couple months.

I celebrated my 30th Birthday the end of last month. It was a blast, despite that it down poured, and I was surrounded by love. Mike (the bf) made it the BEST birthday ever and threw me a party the Saturday after. We bbq'd and had family over. It was amazing.

Shortly after that I found out that I was pregnant. That's right. Pregnant. According to my calculations we were 8-10 weeks along. Three days later we went for our first ultrasound and found out that our peanut had no heartbeat. Talk about devastating.

I was out of work most of last week getting blood work and seeing doctors and confirming the miscarriage and mostly just laying on the couch snuggled with my puppy and crying. Tomorrow I have to go to the ob/gyn and schedule a D&C.

Medically, my peanut had no heartbeat... and medically, nothing formed inside the sac but to me it was very real. After spending my adult hood believing I was unable to get pregnant because of my size (with no medical testing to prove otherwise) I now know that I can get pregnant. And this has caused a LOT of baby talk between me and the bf. We want children.

For 7 weeks (That's where the doctor found me to be...) I got to be a little peanut's momma. And while there was nothing I could have done to change the outcome of this pregnancy, I am hopeful that the next one will be successful. God is seeing me through this and I am surrounded by tons of love and support. 80-90% of pregnancies conceived after a miscarriage are successful. Despite my size and my hypertension, I am otherwise healthy. There's no reason I shouldn't be able to carry successfully and I am a firm believer that it's my time.

For now, I must rest and get ready for this surgery next week. I know when the time comes I will feel hard about it and be sad, but it's all part of the grieving process.

As for my weight loss... I nixed the weight watcher's account because why pay $20 a month when I'm not using it? I am going back to Lose It (a free program!) and starting to wear fitbit.

Funny how life seems to get in the way!

Just a quickie update...

Been busy this weekend. Yesterday we spent all day outside (After a couple hours running around getting everything in order) putting up the puppy fence. It's looking fab and I'm so excited to get the rest of it up! We had to drive an hour away to return the posts as they didn't fit and get new ones but on the way home we stopped at McDonald's. Not a great choice but we didn't go crazy. I had a southern style chicken sandwich (Which point wise wasn't too bad) but the M&M McFlurry KILLED me... the one I had was 22 points! OY! But I had to sit in the truck with puppy for an hour while Mike got everything worked out so he was pretty hot and cranky... Puppy that is. We wanted to get him a little vanilla ice cream (The jerks screwed up the order and gave us a hot fudge sundae instead...) but he LOVED it... he was so cute with it all in his fur. My heart is so full of love!

Then Mike and I worked on the fence and getting holes dug and pruning bushes and gardening. I'm a little sore but it's good... Oh and I took Snickers for a mile long walk first thing in the morning because well... I was cramping SUPER hard and miserable. It kind of helped. So yesterday alone I got close to 12,000 steps! :-)

Today won't be much good because I have to sit in a class and church... but hopefully when I get out I can take Puppy for a NICE LONG WALK! It's supposed to be awesome today too! Loving the sunshine!

Enjoy the day!

... So it's been a while since I've written. Mostly I've just felt like I've had nothing to say. I get tired of saying the same things... I can't lose weight... I'm not strong enough... I don't have enough money... Do you HEAR the whining on those sentences? Ugh.

... I had my visit with the doctor last week and she said that I'd lost 7lbs in the past year. Phew! I was afraid I'd gained but I'll take what I can get. It kind of cracked me up because her scale said I was less than what mine said. I'm not entirely sure which one is right... maybe neither!

... I am rejoining weight watchers and starting on friday. Why not start today, you ask? Because... I need some time to finish my menus and I wanted to pick a day that I will be responsible for. Weighing in on friday will give me time to get over the weekends and bounce back if I need to. Those seem to be the most trouble.

... I am being proactive about the weight watcher's thing. My work has a menu we follow weekly... so I wrote them all out and am figuring out points for everything so that I know that one cup of this is 4 points and half a cup of that is 5. I am really hoping that will help me out.

... The end of this month... wait... it IS the end of the month... my boyfriend and I are putting up a fence in the front yard for our fur-baby to run around and get his exercise. It'll be work putting it in and hopefully we will be inspired to move with him. Not only that but we are going to start getting the pool in shape for the summer. I am so excited!

... Not only are all these wonderful amazing things going on... but the boyfriend asked me if I wanted to take a week-long trip to Florida to meet his dad this December! HECK YES! So that will be motivation for me. I want to see how much I can lose before the start of December! It will be awesome!

... Well there's an update for y'all. I'm still here. I'm still kicking and working on it. I'll get there. :)

Previous Weight: 342.9

Current Weight: 325.3

Loss: -17.4

That's right... I broke through my plateau and can NOT remember when I weighed this less!! The feeling I feel right now is amazing! I don't think I could EVER go back to my old habits based on how amazing I feel right now!

1. In my seminar yesterday -- which was held in an auditorium -- the seats were so COMFORTABLE! Had I gone at my weight last weekend... I would have been hurting and uncomfortable. The sides would have been digging into my hips and so forth. Not yesterday! I couldn't believe it!

2. My hoodies are GINORMOUS on me now!

3. People I work with every day can notice a difference.

4. My confidence has sky-rocketed.

5. I feel good.

6. I have been showing amazing amounts of self-control in not eating junk. I admit... I did have a brownie yesterday... and I won't lie... it was GOOD... But I didn't splurge and have the donuts, danishes and breads for breakfast. AND it was the only sweet I had all week!

Amazing things are happening and I KNEW that if I wanted it bad enough... I could do it.

Happy Losing!

This Is Crazy!

My scale said yesterday morning I lost 18 pounds!

That's a bit extreme... And I don't fully believe it. But here's what I DO believe...

I am losing weight.

Last night... My bath towel doesn't need to be held closed anymore. I tried on a hoodie I bought months ago that never fit... and it's snug but it fits. I put on my LU hoodie that was tighter than heck this fall... Its a LOT roomier!

My friend at work said she could see a difference in me. I can too... my face looks thinner... I'm so excited that this is working! I want to keep going and going and going.

Now if the weather would shape up!!

Today proved to be frustrations of epic proportions!

My Plan:

6:30-7:15 -- Wake up, Dress, Take care of Snickers (Put him in bathroom, radio on...)
7:15-9:15 -- Work... (Driving times included)
9:15-11:15 -- Snickers time... Make juice for breakfast and one to take to work for lunch.
11:15-5:30 -- Work.
5:30-?? -- Make Juice for dinner... relax... take Snickers for a walk (if decent out).

Yeah... Right.. *Rolling my eyes*

7:15-8:30 -- Work... Front desk calls and asks me to work 7:30-4:30. I told them I would, but I need to figure out what to do with puppy. He's in my bathroom with no water or food and has only been outside ONCE. They said that was fine and asked how long I needed. I said maybe an hour... they said I could then work until 5. Uhh No. Someone will be up at 9 so I can go take care of puppy.

I called my mom to see if she could watch Snickers until about 11:15-11:30 because my M-I-L was going to pick him up after her doctor's appointment. She's freaking out because my dad has a doctor's appointment at 1:45p (He was in the ER this weekend with really bad leg pain that ended up being arthritis... but his blood sugar was 337 and his bp was high) and he's so drugged right now. It took me 15 minutes to explain to her what was happening... We came to an agreement that I would drop Snickers off at her house... she would take care of him and then bring him back to MY house and leave him in the bathroom. Phew....

But... But... But...

I was unable to make ANY juice for the day like I planned. Last night I felt sick and didn't eat anything when I got home. So, naturally, I was hungry today. I ended up eating an apple... then for lunch we had (Ohhh this was tough!) grilled chicken, white potatoes (with butter and parsley), tropical fruit and biscuits. I REALLY wanted to eat... I struggled hard with this... so I settled on 2 biscuits (with a little butter from the potatoes) and about 3 white potatoes. And water. And that was it. I immediately regretted it because my tummy got all upset. Later on I had another apple and that seemed to help.

But the damage is done. Hopefully I didn't make too much of a mistake but it wasn't cool to just not eat anything... And I tried to be careful.

When I got home, I was so stressed and pissed off. Hungry and tired... I didn't really want to eat but I knew I had to. So much for the 80 veggie to 20 fruit percent rule. I made a Minty Berry Juice... It has 2 cups Blueberries, 16 Strawberries, 1 Kiwi and 2 cups - packed Mint Leaves. I didn't have enough Mint for 2 c. packed and barely enough for one cup... but somehow it worked. It's DELISH and when I put it in my frosted mug.. it's almost slush like.

It's definitely making my jitters go away and I'll have enough stuff to make it to Friday. Which will be my next shopping excursion! More fruit, please!

Happy Losing!

Ps. Scale said I went down 3-4 pounds already... but not so sure I believe it!

Lunch:

Juice By The 2's

2 Red Grapefruits

2 Oranges

2 Celery Stalks

2 Red Delicious Apples

2 Handfuls of Spinach

I am struggling with this one. I don't know if it's the GF's or the Spinach that is giving this juice an icky after taste... but I am choking it down. After I drank half of this for lunch and it had time to settle in my tummy... I felt so full.. I felt like I had sat down and chowed on everything and anything possible. My tummy actually HURT!

The first couple days are going to be the toughest. I keep telling the BF I want REAL people food... and we were talking about snacking on all sorts of delicious junk food. But I will be strong. Sometimes... just because you CRAVE it... doesn't mean you actually want it. It's all in what you're used to.

I WILL be strong and I WILL do this. It's going to take a LOT of will power and money but I can do this. God has made me strong and this will only make me stronger!

Happy Losing!

Day One

Current Weight -- 342.9

Breakfast: Orange/Kiwi Juice

2 Kiwis

2 Oranges

2 Small Heads of Broccoli

1 Medium Carrot

YUM!

Wake - Up Call

Today has been such a wake up call for me.

The phone rang at 4am and the BF answered it. It was my mom -- My dad's in so much pain with his leg and can we come over to take him to the ER.

Um... Of course.

After all the hullabaloo we find out that the pain in his leg is from Arthritis. BUT they were waiting for the blood work to come back. His blood sugar level is 337 (normal range is 70 - 110)... His blood pressure was high.

A year ago, my dad threw away ALL his medications. He was on meds for blood pressure, COPD (He has already had an angioplasty and STILL smokes 3 packs a day), high cholesterol and was prediabetic. When my mom was fired from the hospital, he tossed them all and said he didn't trust doctors. He said he'll die when it's his time.

As I sat in the hard plastic chair, my extra "baggage" spilling out... I thought to myself... I'm already on meds for hypertension. My doctor has said if I don't get things under control, I could be diabetic as well. Not only that but heart disease and high cholesterol runs in my family.

I need to make a change NOW. It has only made me that more determined to starting this juice diet tomorrow. And just because I'm starting it TOMORROW does NOT mean I'm not starting today. I plan on eating light today... and not pigging out.

I think this is what I needed to experience to slap me in the face. Unfortunately... it took the health of a loved one to do so.

Happy Losing...

Ps. I will post my menu/recipes later today... I am finishing my shopping list and heading out as soon as I can.

GOOOOOOOD MORNING WORLD!

This morning I am trying Juice #2... Good Morning Juice.

What are YOU having for Breakfast? Me? Oh... I'm just having TWO sweet potatoes... FOUR oranges and SIX carrots...

This is how it came out...

 Of course my little juicer cup can only hold ONE cup of juice and this one yields about 2-3 cups. Better planning. I think when I go grocery shopping I will have to buy a glass pitcher or something to keep the over-flow. Unless the bf shares with me too!

I am happy to announce that it is MARCH FIRST! Which means that WINTER is almost over and soon it will be time to start working the garden! Did I mention that? Yup... The bf and I are going to grow a garden so that we can save some money on our groceries. He is being super supportive of me in this life decision and I am happy for that. He has promised not to eat in front of me.

It's good. It's all good.

Happy Losing! :)

I considered deleting my weigh-in post this week... but then I decided that would be unreal of me and I'm trying to be as real as I can be.

I was frustrated and angry at myself. All my hard work ruined due to poor eating choices and lack of movement. I'm not stupid. I know what it takes and how much work goes into it. Sometimes I just get so overwhelmed and I WANT to give up... but I don't.

I'm trying to find something that works for me... and you're right. I should find some way to set aside $20 a paycheck to do Zumba 2x's a week. It's something that I love and it's good for me.

I'm hoping that things will get better financially. My bf is receiving an inheritance and if it's as much as we are thinking (and hoping) then things won't be so bad... so even if I have to wait a couple weeks to start up again.. it'll be okay.

As I said before, I am going to start Juicing. I tried one this morning and it was so different but it was so good. And the best thing is that it filled me up to the point that what I ate the rest of the day... was a lot less than what I normally consumed. So to think that that much changed after having just ONE glass of juice... imagine if I'm drinking 4-6 of them a day!? Plus the benefits are awesome and if you look at what you're eating in one cup of juice... there's no way you could eat that in one sitting.

I'm very excited to be starting this new phase. This weekend I plan on sitting down and making a grocery list (the bf and I figured that it's less than $4 per juice...) and coming up with a "meal" plan for the first week.

This, of course, means that I am switching up my weigh-in days. I will now be weighing in on Sundays as opposed to Tuesdays. 

I also agree that joining a group would be good for me. I am rechecking into TOPS in my area to see what is happening when. I would LOVE to continue doing Weight Watchers but at this time, there are no convenient or close meetings. Most happen too far away too close to closing time.

I'm working on it. I swear... I am.

Sunburst Juice

1 Orange

1 Red Bell Pepper

3 Carrots

1/2 Lemon

Benefits:

Glowing Skin

500% Daily Vitamin C (Almost)

May Help Reduce the Risk Of Cancers

Where can you go wrong? At first the taste of the pepper overpowered... But I'm thinking it was the froth because once the froth settled... it wasn't as prominent. Definitely better when chilled... I have no ice cubes but my bf has frosted mugs... which worked well.

I definitely feel it in me. This juice diet is going to be tough but I am confident in myself. As soon as I can start -- which will most likely be this weekend because I get paid today -- I will be replacing my meals with these. I'm still debating whether I want to replace EVERY meal... or if I want to do two meals as juice and one healthy food meal. 

Happy Losing...

I am so beyond frustrated.

I feel like I can't get anywhere. I am stuck where I am and I feel like giving up.

At this point... after trying for the last almost 5 years... and not getting anywhere but up and down and up again... I feel like just saying TO HELL WITH IT and not even bothering anymore.

I am really struggling right now and I feel like breaking down and just crying.

I'm tired of looking in the mirror and seeing my big old self looking back. I'm tired of wearing fat clothes and never looking decent. I'm tried of all the health issues I have (the headaches... the lethargy...). I'm tried of the crappy self-esteem.

I'm just tired of it all.

I'm just tired.

Up 3.8 this week to 341.6

Woo-Freakin-Hoo

For a LONG time now I have been whining about how my parents never really taught me portion control or healthy eating. I've tried WW but I felt like I was cheating and skating by on it... not really learning anything.

I have decided to resort to drastic measures.

This is NOT something I have been taking lightly. Much soul searching, praying and thinking has led me to the decision of juice-fasting.

If you read my previous entry you'll know that I recently watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead... about two mens journey on a juice-fasting diet and their success and weight-loss.

But it was so much more than just about weight-loss. They were reduced on their medications or taken off altogether. One woman who suffered from headaches had them stop while she was doing it. They felt better and healthier... had more energy and yes, lost weight.

I feel stuck. I've tried WW, I've tried Lose It and Spark People. I've tried weight loss pills, going vegan. I've considered surgery. I am aware that this may be nothing more than a crash diet, but I feel like I need to try it. I need to give this a chance. I am also aware that I might lose a LOT of weight on it (If I stick with it) and then gain it back, but I want to use it for so much more than just weight-loss.

They consider it as a detoxing. Cleaning your system of junk and starting over. I want to use this as a wiping the slate clean and re-teaching my mind and body about portions and healthy meals. I want to use this as a way to get closer to God. I'm a religious person and I am all about strengthening my relationship with God. One of the points they make in the Documentary is that most major, if not all, religions fast. 

I'm not sure what to expect or really what to think. All I know is that I need some way to jump start. I have been stuck in this number range for too long and I am frustrated. I know doing this will not be easy... but with God's help and the help of those around me... I know I can pull through this and make this a wonderful experience.

So... Happy Juicing!

Weigh-in #6

 

Previous Weight: 340.2

Current Weight: 337.8

+/- :: -2.4

Total Loss:  5.5

This is the kind of weigh-in I like to report. I'm trying to be better about tracking everything and the weather has been cooperating a little bit more to get those walks in! It helps that I have Snickers to walk with.

Last night I watched "Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead". It was a documentary about juicing and weight loss. The results were inspiring to say the least... In the end... I bought my own juicer and can't wait for it to come! I know it'll be rough the first couple days but I think it'll be worth it in the end. Hopefully it will clear out my system of all the yucky stuff and I will be able to retrain myself in a healthier way!

I'm excited!

The Morning Mile Badge

I have awarded myself (And my puppy) this award as a motivator.

This morning, we got up a little earlier than usual and went for a mile long walk. It was kind of cold out but it was NICE. At work today we walked to the library and then took a walk with the kids. THEN... when I got home... Snicks and I took another walk -- a 1/2 mile.

All in all... Fit Bit says....

14,907 Steps 

(And I took it off around 7p... so that's not counting walking around the house and cleaning!)

12 Flights of Stairs

6.36 Miles

Hey... It's a start....

Week #5

Previous: 338.9

Current: 340.2

+/- :: +1.3

Total Loss:: 3.1

GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!

I don't think you really want this. I don't think you're motivated enough. I don't think you're strong or disciplined enough to actually lose this weight. You DO realize the scale is supposed to go DOWN and not UP... right?

I know things are rough. Money is tight. You're stressed about finances and work. But you can't take care of all that stuff if you don't take care of yourself. You can't help others if you don't help yourself.

In less than 5 months you're going to be 30. Don't you think it's time you stopped placing blame on others and started taking responsibility for your own actions? Sure, your Mom didn't always cook the healthiest stuff or stress about portion control. The kitchen was your playground. Yeah, your Dad didn't run in the backyard with you as a kid. But you know what? You're old enough now to accept it for what it is and move on. 

No one can do this for you. No One... Just YOU!

You've done it before... why are you so hesitant now? What are you afraid of? Think... hard... about this. Take some time and really think it through. Maybe you'll surprise yourself.

I'm not telling you this to hurt your feelings or to put you down and make you feel bad. I'm doing this because I know you. I know you have it inside you to do this and do it right. I know you can pull through this and be stronger than ever. You just need to get moving on it. 

... Starting...

   ... Right...

      ... NOW!

Love;

Me

(Your biggest supporter)

Week #4 

Previous Weight: 336.2

Current Weight: 338.9

Weekly +/- :: +2.7

Total Loss: 4.4

I find that I am slightly frustrated. Not with my gain (although, Yes, I am with myself over that) but the fact that my boyfriend's house is 130 years old and the floors are uneven. I weigh myself in the bathroom because it's the only room without carpet... but finding a spot that is level is torture. Which makes me wonder if last week's loss was really a loss or just due to uneven flooring.

Whatever is... is. I accept full responsibility for this week's gain. Saturday we pigged out on Chocolate/PB Bugles.... Chips and Dip... Chocolate chip cookies... Yesterday we had tacos and pizza and candy. 

But this only motivates me to do better. To better myself and my choices. Considering that my income is lower than what it would have been... there won't be anymore extravagant meals or snacks. 

In fact... as soon as I got home... I took my little Snickers for a quick walk. We are both better for it!

Happy Losing!

 

Weigh In #4

Previous Weight: 339.6

Current Weight: 336.2

Weekly +/- :: 3.4

Total Loss: 7.1

What... A... Shock! I had to weigh myself THREE times before I finally accepted my loss this week! I am so excited!

In some sad news, I had to cancel my Weight-Watcher's account. Due to hard financial times, I could no longer justify the $20(ish) I was spending MONTHLY on the online program. Not only that, but I felt like I just wasn't getting the support I crave. I am on Lose It and Spark People... hoping that I can find the support and the motivation I need.

It has been almost a month without soda. It's been relatively easy this go-round. There are some days that I truly crave it but we've been buying Crystal Light and making BIG pitchers of it. It's mostly water... so I think I've been getting the hydration I've been needing. The other night my "in-laws" came over to see the new puppy and brought Chinese. Not only that, but they brought a 2-liter of Pepsi. Mike poured himself a glass and I was just staring at the bubbles... imagining what they would be like sliding down my throat... and then I just shook my head and drank my water. I'm a better person for it.

Puppy is definitely keeping me on my toes. I literally have to chase him around the house to put his harness on. We've taken him for a couple big walks... which is great for me! Today was the first day I had to leave him home alone and he cried and I cried. When I came home 2 hours later I was so happy to see him that I took him for a quick walk down the road. It wasn't far (he's only 8 weeks old) but I'm trying to get him used to walking for when he gets older! I want to be a svelte puppy-mom... lol.

Anyway... I don't think I'm going to be able to swing Zumba after all with the money-issues. Maybe... once things calm down and I figure out where all my money is going and what I have left, I can do two nights a week... but I will just have to wait and see.

I am so ready for spring. I am hoping to be down to 290 by the end of June... if not more!

Happy Losing!

So... I'm thinking I'm not going to be able to go WW anymore.

My dad and I have to "talk finances" tomorrow... as in I'm going to have MORE bills and LESS money. And while I like WW and have success on it... I just can't justify paying $20 for something I could... essentially... get for free from other websites.

Doesn't mean I am quitting or giving up. Doesn't mean I am going to be letting go and eating like crazy. It just means I will be more self-conscious. It means I will have to be more vigilant.

I think... with puppy... It'll be a lot easier. I now have a new walking buddy. And I think the fact that I am getting up off the couch more often to take him outside... and the fact that I have to literally jump over the puppy gate... It'll pay off in the end.

So... Here's to a new adventure. I CAN and I WILL do this... Because I deserve it... and so do you!

Happy Losing!

Confession...

The boyfriend and I went to McDonald's last night for a cheap and easy dinner. We had coupons.

Heh...

... We both got a 20 piece chicken nugget... a medium fry and a drink (I had water, of course)

Unfortunately... It didn't fill me up. Not because it wasn't enough, it was most certainly enough, it just wasn't... filling. It might have done something for me when I was younger... but now it was like I had just eaten a plain piece of toast with nothing on it.

I woke up HUNGRY. And with a headache. I made two pieces of toast (with butter) and it tastes so darn good.

I think, next time, just because I have a coupon, I will get something different that fills me up and satisfies me. McD's isn't even my fave and I rarely go there... Except for a Frappe...

Happy Losing!

Week Number 3

Previous Weight: 340.7

Current Weight: 339.6

Weekly +/-: -1.1

Total Loss: 3.7

Kind of surprised this week... but not really. If that makes sense. I did OKAY but not GREAT. I was proud yesterday... my "in-laws" had KFC for dinner and I only had 2 pieces... Before I probably would have like at least 4. I'm getting there... Slowly but surely.

Unfortunately... I have to wait until the next pay period to start Zumba. Money is just so tight right now, I can't really justify it. Plus with Puppy coming Friday... I've got a LOT on my plate. 

But... I'm up for it!

Happy Losing!

...The Curse of The Cranberry-Orange Muffin...

My center/work receives it's food from the Hospital next door. They make the most... moist... amazing... deliciousness that is a Cranberry Orange Muffin. And I can eat them by the fist full. 

With flu and illness running rampant this week... My class has been combined with the other class... Usually, altogether, we have 22 children in Preschool. The other day we had 10. The muffins were afternoon snack and the cook gave me a TON of them. I kind of hoarded them in my classroom and have been eating them. 

Yesterday... I had five.

Today... I had four.

As I was polishing off my fourth muffin this afternoon, I looked at my crumb covered hands and thought to myself... "This is absolutely ludicrous!" I was ashamed and frustrated with myself. As soon as I licked the crumbs off my fingers, I picked up the entire bag, still full, and dumped it into the garbage.

Done... And... Done!

To make up for it...  By the time I got home it was still light out and I took advantage... I went for a walk. A mile long walk. I walked uphill backwards. I danced in the street. I walked 1 mile in 25 minutes.

I feel better... And thank GOD the muffins are gone! 

Happy Losing!

Weigh In #2

Previous weight: 342.8

Current Weight: 340.7

Previous Week Loss/Gain: 2.1

Total Loss: 2.6

So I had a 2.1lb loss this week... and I'm kind of surprised. Not that I did horrible but I didn't do fabulous either. I went for a half mile walk and then went through the snow and marshy land with the boyfriend and the dogs. After that one, I could totally feel it in my thighs and buns. 

My plan is to get the tracking thing down pat again and then add in the exercise. I've got a good head start... but I need to be more pro-active in measuring everything out rather than guessing. I was shocked this week to find out that a cup of corn... is way more than I was actually taking (and at 4 points a cup... OUCH!) 

Happy Losing!

First Weigh-In of 2013

Previous Weight: 343.3

Current Weight: 342.8

Difference: -0.5

. . . I tracked religiously until about Friday maybe? Or was it Saturday? Whatever... The point is that I did OK this week but not great. Losing half a pound is definitely better than gaining. I'm starting to get back into the tracking and being careful of what I'm eating.

. . .  . . . Onto the Exercise part!

I've decided that starting with my next paycheck (Only because I'm a little strapped right now) I'm going to start doing Zumba again. There's really no excuse not to. I happen to work in my Church... and the Church has class Tue and Thurs at 5:30p... Right when I get done! I'm kind of excited about it because honestly, I miss it. I think it'll be good because right now, it's too cold and snowy outside to walk or work on my 5k. I have DVD's but I don't think I would work as hard if I did them because I don't have anyone pushing me. 

So off to a decent start!

Happy Losing!

So in keeping with my ::Resolution:: I am going to be brutally honest...

... I currently weigh 343.3 lbs.

I have gone up significantly in a few months and am right back where I started almost 4 years ago. Kind of discouraging but the way I look at it... It's only going to fuel me to come back better and stronger. Starting Today.

... I'll admit... As the boyfriend and I were pulling up in the driveway after a night of "partying" (about as much partying as you can do with your parents...)... my initial thought was that I would love to have a soda right now. Sugary and fizzy. My second thought was... What can I pig out on right now?

Uhh... What?

Ohhhh... that's right.

I must retrain my brain. No soda. Last year I made it 6 months without and the year before was 8 months. I am confident I can make it 12 this year and never go back to it. As for pigging out... I had to remind myself to sit down and figure out how many points the cheese was per serving... and how many points the crackers were. Sure... it might seem like a daunting task... measuring and calculating.... but being on the Weight Watcher's system before, I know it works. I just have to be dilligent.

And truthful.

Which means no more GUESSING how much a portion is or how many points.

I'm tired of being the fat girl. I expect the first couple weeks I'll lose decently because of cutting out the soda... but I'll have to work at it.

And work it I will...


Happy 2013 and Happy Losing!